


Secret Untold

by LynnMashihita



Category: Arashi (Band), Gokusen - All Media Types, Hey! Say! JUMP, KAT-TUN (Band), Kis-My-Ft2 (Band)
Genre: Gen, Get ready to be disappointed by the end of the chapters, I'll revise the tag later :), This all about Gokusen, This story based on that season, You should watch Gokusen3, You will only get angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-01-29 10:38:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 41,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12629193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynnMashihita/pseuds/LynnMashihita
Summary: I can’t give up. I have to fight no matter what. Nobody will save me if I surrender now. Nobody can help me if I don’t have a will to reach their hand. I have to fight. Even if I'm pushed down again, I have to get up on my own. Just like the sky. It’s really dark at night, but tomorrow, when the sun rises and shines his light, it will be totally bright and beautiful.





	1. The Lone Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> I've posted this story in another site years ago, and I love this story so much so I want to share this to you. So ... enjoy

Noisy.  
  
The regular sound of chattering welcomed him when he entered the classroom. Sighed slightly he sat on his chair, ignored the stares of his bestfriends.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
He shruged it off. He really didn’t want to respond to anything around him. Everything was annoying. Those chatterings, their laugh, the jokes. Every sound he heard sound mocked him. He wanted to puke. A sudden nausea attacked him boldly when somebody accidentally touched his nape. He closed his eyes before started to dash out of the classroom. He threw everything from his stomach on the sink. The gurgling sound of the flowing water sounded like a sarcastic laughter in his ears. He saw his own reflection in the mirror in front of him. The shadow was smirking at him, laughed at him in silence, and mocked his foolishness.  
  
He closed his eyes, tried hard to erase the annoying smirk in front of him, before slowly moved out of the rest room. The hallway was empty. Slowly he walked out the building. The breeze of the winter air welcomed him once again. Instead of freezing, he felt freshen. The cold wind which touched his skin calmed his mind. He stopped in an abandoned park and sat down on a bench. He smiled slightly.  
  
“Only a stupid roaming around in a park in this freezing day.”  
  
He said it to himself.  
  
“Then you are one of those stupid.”  
  
He turned around and found Ren stared at him.  
  
“What’re you doing? Came to school late then suddenly ran away before it even started. I thought we’re going to graduate together. What’s happening to you?”  
  
Yamato again only smiled. He really didn’t want to talk to everybody right now.  
  
Sighed, Ren took a seat beside him. “I’ve told you that you can tell me everything, haven’t I?”  
  
Yamato snorted. “I really don’t want to talk about anything to anybody right now. So just let me alone, please.”  
  
“No.” Ren snapped quickly. “If I let you alone in this kind of state, you will start a fight with somebody out there. Remember what happened few months ago? There’s no way I will let you roam around with a very unfriendly face of yours right now.”  
  
“Whatever.” With that Yamato stood up and started to walk away again.  
  
Ren followed him. Inside his heart he had an urge feeling to grab him and forced him to tell everything but half of his heart told to just let him be. After the incident which made him spent a night in jail, Yamato became more silent than usual. It was not that he was a talkative, but lately he became more silent than he was. It looked like he always tried to spend his time all by himself. Stayed alone in the rooftop almost all the time, not interested in everything they discussed in the classroom. Everybody found him tried to avoid them. They just looked at each other when he rejected their offer to do anything together. No one tried to offense because everytime they did it, he always dashed out the classroom and never came back.  
  
_He is in a difficult time, give him space._  
  
Kuraki always said that to defend him. But Ren knew that something was going on. Something really bad was happening, and he needed to know.  



	2. The Twisted Heart

Glowing.  
  
The sparkle of lights down below the bridge dazzled him. They were just like the lost souls in his eyes, wandered around to find the right. They were free. No responsibility, no burden of life, no bond with anybody or anything. They were totally free.  
  
He had already tired. He was tired with his life, with everything around him. He wanted to disappear, joined together with those lost souls down there.  
  
_“You broke our family apart.”_  
  
The words mingled in his head on and on.  
  
_My father was right. I screwed up everything. My mother wouldn’t have to work that hard if the family wasn’t broken apart. She would still cook for us everyday happily. Her smile would always be plastered on her face, and it would honestly come from her heart, not like now. She would only smile to comfort me, tried hard to assure me that everything is alright when it didn’t. She had never worked all her life before. And now, for me, to earn our living, she has to. I never see her tired face all my life, and now I have to face it every day. She always tried to hide it with her smile but I did realize it. Her eyes talked everything._  
  
_I really screwed up everything._  
  
_I shouldn’t even be exist._  
  
_I should disappear._  
  
_It would be the best way for everybody around me. Everything will back to normal if I disappear. Everybody will live happily without my existence._  
  
He gulped at the sounds of trains coming and going in front of him. They were just like the soft voice invited him to join them, and let all the burden of his life flew away, made him free.  
  
He reached the rail of the bridge and grabbed it tightly when a hand grabbed his shoulder from behind.  
  
“Found you!”  
  
He turned around and saw a really big smile on the face of his best friend.  
  
“What are you doing here?”  
  
“I should be the one who ask you what are you doing here. Everyone is waiting for you in the usual place.”  
  
Yamato turned over and walked away. “I’m going home.”  
  
“No.” with that Ren grabbed his hand and pulled him to go down the stairs of the bridge. “You can’t go home before you meet them. You’ve been avoided us for who knows how long and they couldn’t take it anymore. You had better meet them now or they will crash on to your home.”  
  
No answer. Yamato wanted to refuse but his body betrayed him. He just followed him obediently along the way down the stairs until they lost in the sea of people on the street.  
  
Not far from the place, on the opposite side of the bridge, two figures stared each other. They sighed heavily, relieved that what they thought Yamato would do had never done.  
  
“I thought he will jump.” Said the younger one.  
  
“Yeah, I thought too. My heart stopped beating for seconds. I thought we will lose him.”  
  
They stared each other again.  
  
“Don’t you thing we’re too far imagining something?”  
  
“I hope so. But it is Yamato we’re talking about. According to Aunt Yoshiko he looked down lately after the incident with Uncle Tatsuo. Nobody can predict what he will do. But I am really sure he has something in his mind. I just .., don’t want him choose the wrong path. He still has a big chance. It’s not too late to start all over again.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right.” The younger leaned on the rail of the bridge. “I’m really curious about what really had happened but knowing him, he won’t spill it out.”  
  
“He is our cousin, remember. Not just him. We also won’t spill everything out easily.”  
  
The younger looked at him silently before they chuckled together.  
  
“I guess it run within the family, right?”  
  
“What? Our stubbornness? Yeah, you’re absolutely right.” The older one leaned on to the rail of the bridge and watched the train passed by below. He sighed heavily. “He was a cheerful when he was a child.”  
  
“And he was always tailing everyone, curious with everything and always asked about anything.”  
  
“Such a noisy he was.”  
  
They fell into silent for a moment, remembering a very cute boy who always tailed them everywhere and asked them everything he saw. A very noisy boy.  
  
“Honestly I didn’t recognize him when I met him few days ago.”  
  
“You met him?”  
  
The older sighed again. “I passed the park and saw a bunch of high school students passing by. I saw myself in them, not realizing that Yamato was one of those kids until Yankumi came and called him.”  
  
“No wonder you didn’t recognize him. He became a very silent person.”  
  
Again, they fell into silent, starring at the sparkling lights down the bridge.  
  
“Any plan?” the older of them turned around and leaned his back into the railing.  
  
“Maybe we could do something since you don’t have anything to do right now. Do you?”  
  
The older kept silent for a while before nodded. “I passed Waseda few years ago and they still want me to join them so I guess I will give a try.”  
  
“Sure you do. It would be a waste if you leave it”  
  
The older smiled slightly. “My heart suddenly told me to make a decision so I did. Actually I was still not sure until I saw Yamato.”  
  
They stared each other again.  
  
“Is he still drawing?”  
  
The younger shrugged. “I really don’t know anything about him. I’ve lost contact since years ago.”  
  
“So .., I guess we should start from the beginning again.”  
  
The younger looked at him and chuckled. “You know what? Natsumi will hug you endlessly because of your care to Yamato. She’s very fond of him.”  
  
The older chuckled.  
  
“I live alone now. Want to stay?”  
  
The older smiled slightly. “Sure.”  
  
They stared each other and promised with unsaid words that they will make everything back to normal. The normal things they knew before everything went out of hand.  
  



	3. The Shadow

_Thump ... thump ... thump ...._  
  
He clearly heard his head was throbbing hard together with his heartbeat.  
  
_This class is too noisy. Why should everybody talk at the same time? Why don’t they try to talk one after another? Isn’t it the best way to understand others talking? How do they manage to understand someone’s talking while they’re talking together like that?_  
  
“Do you want to go to the infirmary?”  
  
Yamato lifted his head and met the concern look of Honjo. He shook his head and sat straightly on his chair.  
  
“You look miserable, really. You’re pale. Are you really okay?”  
  
“I’m fine. Don’t worry. I’m just tired.”  
  
Honjo looked at him, not believing of what he said, but he knew Yamato the longest so it would be a waste if he asked further. He would always avoid him and tried hard to look fine. Honjo sighed and turned away to see Ichimura asked him silently. He just shook his head as an answer.  
  
_“He looks down lately. Do you know what happens? Is he really okay? Did he say something? You didn’t do something, did you? ” Yankumi stopped them on their way home few days ago in the hallway. Nobody could answer that question because they didn’t know what happened. Yamato dashed out the classroom few minutes after his arrival and then Ren followed him not long after, and they never came back to school after that. They couldn’t even reach Yamato’s phone. It turned off._  
  
Ichimura sighed heavily remembering the day. He turned around when somebody poked his side.  
  
“Is he okay?” Matsukata asked him in concern. “He doesn’t look like his usual.”  
  
Ichimura smiled and nodded. “He’s just tired.”  
  
“Is he working or something?”  
  
“No, but he lives with his mother only now so maybe he does all of the chores while his mother is working.”  
  
“Ah, you’re right. That’s why he always looks tired lately.”  
  
Ichimura smiled again, relieved that everybody tried to understand Yamato’s condition. They didn’t try to push him to answer or explain everything. They just kept their eye on him like if they turned away even once, he will fall any time. He was afraid too, that something bad was happening to Yamato. He saw a slight bruise on his arm few days ago. A bruise he tried hard to hide. He wanted to ask but he was afraid that Yamato would avoid him so he let him be.  


  
~~~  


  
Again, the cold air welcomed him as he walked down the street. But now, he was not alone. His buddies walked together with him. They joked around as usual, with random topic which led them to the never ending laughter. He only smiled slightly for the jokes. He didn’t feel like to do it but some of their jokes were really funny. Mostly, because he knew that some of them stole glances on him all the time.

“Let’s go to the game center.” Kuraki asked them suddenly.

“Yeah ..., I want to pay my lost. And wait, Kura. I will win this time!” Honjo screamed out of his lungs, made the other laughed again.

“You won’t~” Kuraki stuck his tongue out of him.

The battle between the both became the epic show for them for the rest of the time. They laughed for Honjo’s lost for the nth time today but he still didn’t want to admit it. He tried again and again and never won against Kuraki. Yamato turned away from them when a hand reached him.

“Where are you going?”

He turned to Ren. “Toilet.”

“Ah, I see.” Ren nodded his head many times, slightly embarrassed with his sudden grab. “We’ll wait here.”

Yamato smiled slightly, realizing his friend’s worried feeling before went to the back side of the building. Honestly he didn’t want to go to the toilet but he didn’t have any other reason to get out of the room. He couldn’t stand the crowd of the room. It was too noisy, too much people, too many sounds mingled in the air together at one time.

He washed his hand without looking at the mirror. He was afraid of that thing because lately he saw his own shadow always smirked at him every time he took a glance over that thing. Sometimes he saw it laughed hard, mocking him like he was the most stupid person in the world.

Yes he was.

He had admitted this many times. He did realize that he was the most stupid person in the world. He was a burden, a happiness destroyer, and he should disappear so everybody could be happy.

_“Yes. Why don’t you kill yourself then? That’s better than living as a burden.”_

Yamato jerked from the train of his thought. He saw his shadow in the mirror smirked at him, mocked him. His eyes widen when he saw it raise the hand up and cut it. The red crimson flew out of the wound, created a line in the arm before falling to the floor below.

_“See? It doesn’t hurt at all. You should try it. It won’t take long too. This is the fastest way if you want to kill yourself.”_

Yamato stunned at his place. He didn’t dare to move. The flow of the blood made him shiver. He gulped hard while staring at it.

_“With this, you’ll make everybody around you happy. They don’t have to be suffered anymore because their burden had already lost. They will live happily ever after.”_

Yamato lost his words. He couldn’t even move his foot. He wanted to run away but his body refused. He felt like he was hypnotized.

_“Come on~. What are you waiting for? You know where you can get the knife. Do it fast so you won’t have any regret.”_

Yamato stood still in his place. He didn’t move. His body was shaking slightly, affected by the words of his own shadow.

Maybe he was right.

There was no point in his life. His existence would only make others miserable. All would return to normal if he disappeared.

Died.

A loud bang of the cubicle door woke him right away. A scary man walked pass him, staring at him weirdly. He blinked many times and saw nothing but himself in the mirror. No smirk, no mock, just him. He moved his right hand to touch the mirror and the shadow touched him back like it used to be. He sighed slightly before walked away to the door, tried hard to forget everything he saw, or imagined. He couldn’t think anything. His mind was full of the thought of his own shadow talked about.

_What if I really kill myself? Would it really be a good thing for everybody? Will anyone cry for me?_

Suddenly he stopped walking.

_Mom._

_She will cry for me for sure._

_There’s no way I kill myself if I will make her cry. She had enough suffered from these craps. She should be happy so I have to bear these shits until I find a way to get over it. She has the right to be happy after all the things that happened all this time. I will survive with all these shits that happened to me as long as it can bring happiness to my mother. I do not want to see her cry anymore. It hurts me more to see her tears._

He stayed still in his place again until somebody bumped over him at the door.

“Watch your way, asshole!”

Yamato snapped and saw the boy in front of him. The boy’s eyes widen when he realized the one he bumped. He then moved away from the toilet fast without word.

Yamato still tried hard to afford the situation. His mind suddenly started working again after the bump. He saw the boy and suddenly rememberred that knew him.

_Reita?_

He gasped and tried to find the boy immediately. But he lost his track when he arrived at the game area. Too many people in the room so that he found it difficult to find a figure he remembered.

_Reita._

_He looked different now. ___

Yamato gasped again. He looked at himself and watched at the crowd in front of him again. His eyes blinked few times. His brain began to work correctly again. Reita was a very neat boy so far he remembered. He hated his hair being colored. It should be black. But he saw it brown.

Was something happened to him? Was he involved to something bad now? He looked mad at something. Was it because of him standing by the door for so long?

_No. it’s not that._

It’s something inside him.

Something he could read thoroughly about him.

He sighed and went back to his friends which waited impatiently.

“What took you so long?” Kuraki pouted when he saw Yamato approached them.

“Sorry.”

“What made you took a very long time there?” Ren asked him while handed him his school bag.

“Nothing. Really.”

Ren looked at him in disbelief. For seconds he just stared at Yamato who walked away from him. His back looked very lonely.

“Don’t force him. You will only get rejection if you do that.”

Ren turned to see Yankumi also stared at his best friend without blinking.

“What are you doing here?”

Yankumi smiled at him. “This is my way home~. See you …” She then turned to the opposite direction of him.

Ren silently looked at his teacher. Something popped out of his mind. Yankumi had been following them all along. There was no way she was on her way home while it was on the opposite side of the city. She was worried about Yamato too. She must realize something too. Yamato was obvious. He was hiding something and everybody tried hard to find out about it.


	4. Why

Everything moved like a slow motion in front of him. His crying mother in front of his father in a family restaurant down town, which he later knew it’s about his custody, the encounter with Reita again, the desperate look of Kuraki and Ren after the turned down of their future job, the fight of his classmates which made them splitted up into two big groups, again. His brain couldn’t absorb all of the incidents in one time. He’s no longer thinking. His mind stopped working. His body had already taken the charge, moved itself with the help of his instinct.   
  
“Only three days before graduation. If you obey me, I will let you graduate without problem. But if you run away like the last time, just remember that I will never let you go easily.”   
  
“Why?” he asked weakly. He couldn’t move his body. He couldn’t even feel the pain anymore. “I’m … your son …, aren’t I? How … could you … “  
  
“You’re just a pain in the ass. I told you many times to obey me but you never did. You embarrass me all your life. What do you want to prove? That you’re the strongest person in the world? What will you get by that? Don’t you ever think about me? I am a teacher of an elite school but I have a very disgraceful son.”   
  
Yamato closed his eyes. His heart ripped into pieces.   
  
“But now at least you can do something for me~” he traced his finger along Yamato’s chest before gave him another punch on his stomach. “You’re not deserved to be happy because you broke our family apart, I told you that, didn’t I?”   
  
Forcedly, Yamato coughed. It hurt a lot. Not because of the punch but because of his words. It stung straight to his heart, as reminded him of whom he was, the one who broke the family, the one who didn’t deserve the happiness. He surrendered. He lost his will to fight. The smirk on his father’s face was the last thing he saw before the darkness slowly took him over.   


  
~~~  


Ichimura desperately punched his phone many times before gave up. “I can’t reach him.”

Ren kept silent. Everything moved out of track lately. They still couldn’t able to convince Honjo, Kamiya, Kuraki, and the half of their classmates to come to the graduation ceremony, and now they lost contact to Yamato.

_What the hell is going on? We’re just trying to graduate properly. Don’t we deserve this honor?_

“I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“He won’t” Ren stared at the sunset intently. “He wants to graduate properly. He had already set his future. He won’t do anything that makes his plan falls apart. He’s different from us, somehow. Sometimes I feel like …, what is he doing in our school? He always said that he’s not good neither at studying nor sport. But I never saw him that way. He was just lazy. Something inside him told me that he shouldn’t be here loitering around for nothing with us. He has a great father. Though he’s an asshole, but being a teacher of an elite school, he must be great, mustn’t he? There’s no way Yamato that stupid.”

Ichimura closed his eyes, silently he agreed him. Yamato always said that he wasn’t good at studying but it doesn’t mean that he was stupid. He never remembered that Yamato complained continuously when Yankumi gave them sudden quizzes or when they had to study hard to win their summer vacation. He was just opened the book and started to read silently while the other was still complaining about why they should do that.

He sighed deeply. “I saw a bruise in his arm. And I’m really sure that it’s not because of a fight.”

Ren turned to him. “You didn’t hear me? “Ren stunned. “What?”

“It more looked like a grip.”

Ren fell into silent, tried hard to afford the information he got, and his eyes widen suddenly as the result. “Abusing? Who?”

“I don’t know.” Ichimure silenced for a while. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s my own imagination.” He smiled sheepishly, tried hard to cover his worried. “Hey, it’s Yamato we’re talking about. He even dares to punch his own father. Who do you think have the courage to abuse him?”

“He’s not that strong, Ichi. You know that.” Ren snapped. ”We know that he is only strong physically but not mentally, which means that he is actually weak. One push he will down completely and it will take a very long time to cure him. He is that fragile. We figured the real face of him after his parent’s divorce. He looked fine but he was definitely hurt. He tried hard to hide it because once we know that he wounded he won’t be able to face us. His pride will be destroyed and nothing will be left on him. He is that weak.”

Ichimura stunned in his place. Ren was right. They had figured the true Yamato lately, after the incident which made him spent a night in a jail, and after the incident which almost took Ren’s life. Yamato looked just like a little kitten who tried to look like a tiger. He didn’t realize that everybody could read him thoroughly right now. Even the densest person in the classroom noticed the real face of Yamato now.

“Sorry. I’m just afraid to admit that he was abused. Maybe it was really only my imagination. Maybe it’s not really bruised. Maybe it’s just a wound he got somewhere, a little scratch, maybe. I don’t know …”

Ren stared at Ichimura without words. Ichimura, the smartest among them so far they knew, suddenly turned down his conclusion.

“Do you know where he lives?”

Ichimura turned to him and shook his head. “Even Honjo never goes to his house, yet.”

“What’s going on with us? Are we really his friend? Why none of us ever go to his house? Why none of us know where he lives?” Ren wailed and ruffled his hair in disgust.

“He never let us went to his house. Every time we want to crash on, he was always trying to avoid and made us think about other plans, and stupidly we’re just following him obediently.”

“Gee.” Ren hissed and once again ruffled his hair in disgust. “Now I wonder. Do we really know the meaning of _friendship_ ” he shook his head desperately.

Ichimura kept silent this time. He was sure agreed with Ren this time. Lately they were always boasting about friendship but now he wondered how they could always brag about it when they actually didn’t really know the meaning of it.

“We can ask Yankumi to look at the school data.”

Ren sighed heavily. “I guess we have no choice, don’t we?”

Ichimura stood up and started to walk followed by Ren. The sky became darker as the night came. They walked silently along the way to their teacher’s house. No one talked. They’re drowning into their own thought, imagining things about Yamato, where he could be, why didn’t he answer his phone, why he looked down lately, the bruise they talked, everything that came to their mind was about Yamato. It was obvious that the boy had a secret and it seemed that he didn’t want to share them about it.

Ren startled when Ichimura stopped suddenly. He raised his head and followed his eyes to find Yankumi begged the owner of a store.

“I guess we’ve better not to give her more trouble.”

Ren just stared at his teacher silently, agreed with his friend’s decision. They turned around and walked away, with a very troubled feeling inside their heart.

_Why problems always come together in one time?_


	5. The First Blood

White ceiling.   
  
Warm blanket.   
  
It’s blue.   
  
_Wait._  
  
When did his yellow blanket turned into blue? He didn’t even remember they changed the color of his room.   
  
_Where am I?_   
  
“You’re in my room.”   
  
A familiar tone he missed so much made him open his eyes widely. He turned and saw a warm smile beamed on him.   
  
“Ryu …”  
  
“Yeah. Long time no see. Don’t move.” He forced Yamato to lie still on the bed when he tried to get up.   
  
Yamato was more than glad about what the older told him because he felt the pain all over his body.   
  
“I made this porridge and I want you to eat it, and no offense.” He snapped when he saw Yamato tried to refuse. “I believe you didn’t eat anything since morning. I knew you well if you forget.”   
  
Yamato couldn’t refuse. He just kept silence. He felt the warmth in the place somehow, made him wanted to sleep more and more, and never woke up. He closed his eyes when Ryu shook his hand.   
  
“Eat first before you sleep again.”   
  
Yamato looked at him silently. Suddenly he remembered something which made him got up fast. The sting of pain attacked him all over his body, made him whimpered and moaned slightly.   
  
“I told you to lay still. You hurt so badly.” Ryu grabbed his shoulder gently and made him lie down on the bed once again.   
  
“I have to go home. Mom will worry if I don’t go home soon. What time is it?” Yamato asked him continuously. There was a worried tone on his voice.   
  
“I called and told her that you will stay with us tonight, so don’t worry and eat that porridge.”   
  
Another familiar tone snapped him. He turned to the door and saw another familiar figure stood by the door. The figure then walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. He caressed Yamato’s leg gently.   
  
“I also called Yuichi to go home and accompany her for tonight.”   
  
“Shin …”  
  
Slightly he smiled, tried hard to comfort the youngest, assured him that everything would be okay. He then helped Yamato to sit leaning to the pillow behind him while Ryu started to feed him.   
  
Not more than three spoons, Yamato closed his mouth with his hand when nausea attacked him. He really wanted to puke. Quickly Shin picked him up and took him to the toilet where Yamato threw everything up on the sink right away. His body slumped at the floor. He felt boneless. He closed his eyes. The world swirled so quickly around him. The vertigo attacked him. He didn’t dare to open his eyes because once he did it the nausea attacked him hardly. So he closed it tightly and didn’t want to open it.   
  
Nobody talked after Shin got him back to the bed. They took care of him silently, worried drawn all over their face.   
  
“I’m fine, guys. Don’t worry. Just need more sleep.” He mumbled weakly.   
  
No one answered him. They knew the youngest was not fine at all but they didn’t want to argue him.   
  
Silently Shin took the bottle from the fridge and drank almost half of it. Ryu sat by the sofa and stayed silent.   
  
“We need to get him to the doctor. He needs one.”   
  
“We stayed beside him better than any doctor in the world.” Ryu hissed. His eyes looked sharp. The anger he’s been bottled up since they brought Yamato back started to overflow.   
  
Shin looked at him with no word. He himself couldn’t stop thinking since he saw bruises all over Yamato’s body when they changed his clothes a while ago.   
  
“You do realize that those bruises didn’t come from any fight, don’t you? He was … “  
  
“Don’t!” Shin cut him before Ryu finished his words. He really didn’t want to hear anything right now. Without Ryu telling him, he had already known what had happened to Yamato. He was just not ready to hear it.   
  
_Not now. Let it be only in my mind. I don’t want to hear it._  
  
Ryu stared at him intently. “No doctor will able to cure him at this kind of state.”   
  
Shin sat beside him. “I know. I just don’t know what to do. I never …“ He stopped. More like didn’t know how to express his mind. “Why him? Where did he do wrong? He didn’t even deserve this.”   
  
They were silenced again. No one intended to speak again. The silent was stifling but no one tried to move away from that room. They just sat there in the place and tried to drown out their anger. They still remember clearly when they accidentally found him curled up in the park, didn’t move, and only could moan weakly in pain as they tried to take him home.   
  
"I ..., what if we didn’t pass the park and didn’t find him? How would he come home if no one realizes that he had been hurt? That bad?" Ryu closed his eyes as he imagined the possibilities that occur to answer his own question.   
  
Shin didn’t make any sound. His feeling hurt enough since he realized what had happened to Yamato. He tried hard to control his anger until his head was throbbing loudly. He even could hear the thumps. He closed his eyes as he clutched his fist which hidden in his jacket pocket. He didn’t have any intention to not answer the younger’s question. He just knew that Ryu had already had the answer. So he didn’t need to answer him. He also knew that if Ryu didn’t voice out the questions he would go berserk. And from his own experience, Ryu rampaged was the last thing he wanted to meet in his life. He knew too that the younger himself didn’t like to rampage. That was why he would always begin to talk a lot when he’s upset and angry. It was only him and the cousins who knew this stuff. He didn’t want Ryu raging at the moment so he let him talk away while he was trying to drown out his anger with breathed deeply repeatedly.   
  
“It’s only few days before graduation. Why now?” Ryu rubbed his face with his hands. He sighed and leaned against the back of the sofa. “Everything should move smoothly before graduation, right?”   
  
_Yes. Everything should move smoothly before graduation. There shouldn’t be anything bad happened to him before graduation. He should graduate properly. He deserves it. He tried his best to always stay calm. He tried hard to avoid any fight. He even starts to rebuild his life. He had decided his future. He deserves a proper graduation._   
  
But Shin didn’t voice out his mind.   
  
“I wish this won’t go worse.” He said it slowly.   
  
Ryu turned over and stared at the older.   
  
“Should we find the one who did it?”   
  
Shin sighed heavily and leaned to the sofa.   
  
“Let’s just watch him closely from now on, and hope that this is only unintentional incident. It is better to assume that he was just at the wrong place, the wrong time, and met with the wrong people.”   
  
Ryu didn’t agree at all with the older but didn’t try to argue. He saw clearly that Shin tried hard to suppress his anger. But he did agree with him that this accident would never go worse. Yamato didn’t deserve to experience this incident. Nobody deserved to experience this kind of incident.   



	6. A Little Light

Slowly Ryu reached for the doorknob and opened it just to find Yamato was ready to go.  
  
“Where are you going?”  
  
Yamato looked up and found Ryu was looking at him with surprise. He smiled slightly and nodded.  
  
"School, of course." He took the bag from the table beside the bed. "Thanks for taking care. I'm fine now. Thank you. "He immediately passed Ryu and went outside.  
  
“You won’t go anywhere with those wounds.”  
  
Yamato turned around and found Shin was staring at him with a sharp look from the sofa. He stood up and grabbed Yamato’s arm to lead him back to the room but Yamato refused it by releasing his grip.  
  
“Hey, Shin. Long time no see. What are you doing here? When were you back?”  
  
Shin looked at him in silence. He could clearly see that Yamato was trying hard to hide the pain due to his grip so he did not dare to touch him again.  
  
"Couple days ago. Come on, get back to your room and take a rest. You really need it.”  
  
Yamato smiled slightly. “I’m totally fine. Don’t worry guys. This isn’t the first time. See you.”  
  
He turned quickly to avoid further questions but Ryu had already grabbed his arm and turned to face him.  
  
“What do you mean by this isn’t the first time, huh? Since when did this happen? Who did it?”  
  
Hissed silently, Yamato pulled over his arm from the grab.  
  
“Nothing, really. I’m fine. See you.”  
  
Yamato moved out quickly from the Ryu’s apartment and almost ran down the stairs to get to the first floor. His mind stopped working. He even forgot that using elevator would make him move faster to get to the first floor. He just wanted to get out of the there, worried if he stayed any longer, the two eldest would interrogate him further. He was just not ready to tell anybody else about what he had been through.  
  
While both those who remained in the room just looked at each other speechless. Ryu was staring at Shin with worry drawn all over his face while Shin tried hard to not running out to go after Yamato and forced him to tell them honestly. His jaw hardened when he gritted his teeth. His hands gripped tightly until white knuckles appeared. Their hope that the incident was just accidentally happened vaporized instantly. They didn’t see this coming.  
  
Yamato didn’t know on which floor he stopped for a while. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply to hold the pain which spread all over his body because of running. Then very slowly he moved down the stairs until he could get out of the building. And once again, the cold air welcomed him back when he set his feet on the road to the school. He inhaled deeply, as if looking for the strength to face the next hurricane. The wind blew in his face gently as he reached the school gate. For a moment he hesitated to go in, but then he stepped in to the school because he didn’t find any good reason to turn around and leave.  


  
~~~~  


“Where did you get that bruise?” Ren pointed at his left wrist which little unfolded. There was a blue bruise and contusions which clearly visible that he tried to hide it immediately into his pants pocket.

Yamato shrugged and stretched out his legs over the table. “I slipped at the stair and somebody gripped me before I fell.”

_You lied. It is impossible somebody gripped your wrist to save you from falling. It should be in your arm, not in your wrist._

Ren narrowed his eyes, didn’t believe of what Yamato told him. “You don’t lie?”

Yamato turned to him. “What for?” asked him confusedly.

“Who helped you? He must be very strong to pull you and left that bruise.”

For a while Yamato didn’t talk, he looked like trying hard to remember. “They were.”

“Not just one people?”

“It was the overpass down town in the evening. It’s full of people went home after their work. Of course there are a lot of people. Where do you think I was?”

Ren pouted slightly at his answer.

“We couldn’t reach you at all yesterday. What happened to your phone?” Ichimura, who searched a little sign of him lying since the beginning of the conversation, at last interrupted them.

“Ah, it’s the battery. I’ve just realized it when I was in home already. It’s empty.”

Ren and Ichimura stared at him silently. They couldn’t find any sign of him lying but their heart told them that Yamato was lying. He was sure looked like nothing happened, acted like himself as usual, but something wasn’t right, they just didn’t know where goes wrong.

Yamato looked at them curiously. “Why do I feel like you are interrogating me right now? I didn’t do anything wrong, okay. Don’t worry. I didn’t fight yesterday.”

“It’s nothing.” Said Ren casually and went back to his chair.

Yamato didn’t try to ask anything further since Yankumi came and started the lesson right away. Actually he felt saved with her arriving. He wouldn’t able to hold himself much longer from the interrogation. He would spill it right away if they insist. Or at least gave them signs that he lied. Silently he thanked his teacher for coming at the right time.

And the class ended just exactly the same as last days with Yankumi closed it right after the bell rang and hurriedly got out of the classroom.

“I guess we should find the other and tell them what she tried to do.” Ichimura said it calmly.

Yamato nodded slightly many times.

“You knew?”

Yamato sighed. “I saw her many times in many places down town, begging to the owner of many stores and companies.”

“So you saw her too.” Ren pouted his mouth and nodded his head many times. In his heart he felt guilty because he was the one who caused his teacher does all that. “Let’s get going.”

The other two nodded in agreement and left the classroom.  


  
~~~~  


Yamato slowly closed the door and turned around to find his mother greeted him with a smile from the doorway to the kitchen.

"Welcome home?" She said with a grin. "Wait on the table, ok? Dinner’s coming soon."

Yamato smiled and nodded. All the pain in his body disappeared instantly to see her genuine smile. The smile which rarely could be found on her face these days. He headed to the table and began to lay out the cutlery for them.

Sometimes later they sank into a quiet dinner. Yamato looked at her a few times. He just could felt that she had something to say to him but she tried to suppress it.

“Mom, do you want to say something?”

Yoshiko stopped eating and looked at his son.

“Yes, but let’s finish this first, ok?”

Yamato nodded in agreement. His heart wondered.

_What now? I hope it’s not something bad. If I see her smile, it will be something good. What is it?_

“Yamato, I will not tell you anything if you don’t finish your meal.”

Yamato snapped from his trance. He saw himself just staring at his mother and stopped eating.

“Ah, okay.”

He nodded slightly many times before focusing back to his meal. He tried hard to not think about anything while his mother watching him finishing his meal because he knew that he wouldn’t get anything if he didn’t obey her. And when he swallowed his last food and took his drink, his mother smiled at him.

“What is it?” Yamato couldn’t handle his curiosity any longer.

“Have you decided what are you doing after graduation?”

“Hm, I did. I … will go to vocational school.”

“What major?”

Yamato sighed. He was dying of curiosity and his mother still tried to hide it from him.

“Mom, please. This isn’t about me, right? Forget about me first. Tell me what do you have in your mind?”

Defeated, Yoshiko sighed. “I … hope you don’t get mad.”

“On what?” Asked Yamato when his mother stopped talking and just staring at him. There was a doubt in her eyes. A little scare. It made him more curious. “Tell me. I won’t get mad.”

Again, Yoshike sighed. This time, heavily. “This morning, a friend of mine, a colleague, which happened to be my high school’s friend, he …”

Yamato lifted his eyebrows when his mother stopped talking, again. “What?”

“He … proposed me.”

Yamato stunned in his place. He didn’t see it coming. He couldn’t feel anything, neither happy nor sad. It was so sudden. But then he snapped.

“What did you say to him? What was your answer?”

Yoshiko stared at him and smiled. “I didn’t say anything.”

“What?”

“I have to ask you first, right?”

Yamato looked at his mother and then chuckled.

“Why do you have to ask me first? It’s your life. You deserve to be happy.”

Yoshiko smiled again. “But you’re my son. I want you to be happy too.”

_You’re my son. I want you to be happy too._

Those words rang many times in his ears made him stunned for a while. Somehow those words calmed him, melted him. He didn’t need anything else. This was enough for him. The love of his mother. It was like the best medicine for his pain. That’s it. He really didn’t need anything else. The hell with everything he went through lately. He got the love from his mother. That’s enough for him.

“Mom, I grew up. You don’t have to ask me for anything you want to do. It’s your life. If you’re happy, then I will too.”

Yoshiko smiled gently at him.

_You really grew up. I still remember your cries when your brother teased many years ago. Now you become a wise young man who always tries to make me happy._

“What should I say to him then?”

Yamato chuckled. “What?”

“Come on, tell me.”

“Do you love him?”

She’s blushing.

“He’s very kind to me. He always helps me with my duty. He always tries to be there every time I need. But I don’t know whether I love him or not.”

Yamato smiled. This is the first time he saw his mother blushing hard. She looked like a high school student who fell in love for the first time.

“You do love him.” He said it calmly.

“I do?”

“Yes, you do. Tell him.”

“Should I?”

Yamato smiled again. It was so fun looking at his mother like that. “Say yes to him.”

“Are you sure?”

Yamato nodded many times, made her sure that he answered it from his bottom of his heart.

“Tell him. Before he changes his mind.”

Yoshiko smiled widely at his son. Happiness spread over her heart.

_I hope this will last forever. This happiness._

Few times later in his room, Yamato sat still on the bed.

It was dark. No light.

_It will over soon._

_Please, give me strength until she reached her happiness. Please._


	7. The Guilty Feeling

Voices murmured in the distance slowly woke his consciousness. He opened his eyes, trying to digest the surrounding. His view was vague and ambiguous. It felt like he was being in a place shrouded in blue atmosphere that made him feel like he was flying under the very broad sky. The voice which sounded vaguely like the hum of bees in the distance was slowly getting clear. And when his brain began to function again, and his eyes were wide open, he breathed with relief.   
  
Blue ceiling, yellow blanket, comfy bed, brown curtain, broad window.   
  
_I'm in my room. My own room. Thanks God._  
  
Slowly he got up. The pain all over his body began to disappear. It replaced by a sense of fatigue that felt like piling up. His body felt heavy. Nausea began to attack him again. Immediately he stepped into the bathroom and tried to vomit the entire contents of his stomach, hoping by doing that, the feeling would disappear quickly. But he did not succeed. He stared at the mirror in front of him.   
  
Nothing. Only a pathetic reflection he saw. He sighed and gargled.   
  
_So, do you realize now that you're pathetic?_  
  
Yamato was stunned. He looked up and found the shadow smirked at him. It came closer to him.   
  
_Hey... did you forget that you're also just a garbage? The garbage smells and disturbing. Your existence makes everyone annoyed. So go away quickly. Psst. Just like a smoke soared into the sky and disappear._  
  
Yamato looked at the shadow in the mirror without blinking. He did realize that his existence was disturbing all the people around him. He was nothing. He was just a delinquent with no brain. He was just a stupid who broke his family apart. He was just a moron who caused his mother's smiles faded away. Maybe the shadow was right that if he disappeared everyone would be happy.   
  
_Well, you know that. You're only a parasite who always takes advantages from others.You see mom? She always thinks of you at the first place. She always concerns about you aside of her own happiness. What is it for she asks you when she should be thinking about her own happiness? It is her who had been proposed. It is her who wants to get married. It is her who wants to reach the happiness. Why should she ask you? Do you realize it now?_  
  
Yamato swallowed hard. He clenched his hands.   
  
_You should be aware that you're the one who made mom's life miserable. Without you she would be happy with her marriage. She certainly would not be divorce dad. At this time, she would definitely be cooking with smile plastered on her face, preparing breakfast for her loved ones. And you made a mess. You made her divorced dad and erased those smiles of her face. And what are you doing here? What are you waiting for? Just disappear for everyone to be happy._  
  
"I know that, so shut up!"   
  
Finally he reached his limit. He did realize that he was everything his shadow told him. He was just ran away all this time, pretended that he could still bring everything back to normal while nothing could be repaired. His father hated him, his brother started to kept a distance from him, his mother's smile, it faded away.   
  
_Really, what am I waiting for?_   
  
"Yamato? Are you okay?"   
  
Yamato jolted by a loud knock on the bathroom door. He turned over to the door.   
  
"I'm fine, Mom. Just puking."   
  
And when he looked back at the mirror, his sly shadow had disappeared already, replaced with a picture of himself looking at his own reflection without expression. He sighed before turning the faucet and washed his face.   
  
His mother's worried face greeted him when he returned to his room.   
  
"If you feel unwell, get some rest. No need to go to school. I can contact the school for you."   
  
Yamato changed his shirt and grabbed his uniform. "Today's the last day at school. Tomorrow's graduation day and you want me to ditch? "  
  
Yoshiko smiled. "I have not suggested a ditching. I said you should stay home if you feel unwell. That's two different things, Yamato. "  
  
Yamato grabbed his school bag. "I know. It's just ... it will be a waste if I stay at home all day when it's the last day at school, right? I'm leaving."   
  
Hurriedly he left the house. He almost ran along the way to school, tried hard to erase the memory of the conversation with his own reflection this morning.   
  
He gasped and stopped suddenly when a hand grabbed his shoulder. He turned quickly as he shook the hand off him, only to find Ryu who looked at him with a face full of concern. He gulped hard and closed his eyes, tried to soothe his heartbeat which suddenly beating faster. He breathed a sigh of relief.   
  
"What are you doing here?" he hissed sharply.   
  
"You haven't answered my question yesterday. Since when this happened and who did it?"   
  
"I told you this was nothing. I'm fine. It isn't clear enough for you?"   
  
"You lied. It's written all over your face that you're suffering from something. Don't you realize that we know what had happened to you?"   
  
"Ryu! I'm really fine!" Yamato almost yelled at his cousin. He didn't want Ryu to follow him all the way because he knew that if he did that he will give up at last. He knew that Ryu wouldn't stop until he told him everything. He was just not ready. He was not ready to tell him the truth now.   
  
"You cannot lie to yourself, Yamato. You're suffering. Someone makes you suffer like this but you're still protected him? Tell me who did it. Let us help you. We love you and don't want you to suffer like this. We will be hurt if you hurt."   
  
"I told you I'm fine."   
  
"Is there any problem, Yamato?"   
  
Ren and Ichimura suddenly appeared at his side. Ryu gazed at them without blinking.   
  
"No. Nothing. He's just asking for direction. He's kind of … lost. Let's go."   
  
Yamato pulled Ren's arm when his friend stood still in his place and just staring at Ryu with a curious gaze.   
  
Ryu looked at him in silence. He didn't try to stop Yamato because he knew that his cousin's friends wouldn't stay silent if they saw him forcing Yamato. In silence he gazed the back of his cousin. He looked so devastated. As there was a heavy load slung on his shoulder and didn't want to share the burden with anyone. His cheerful Yamato wouldn't come back if he didn't do anything. Yamato who always tried to be honest to everyone, Yamato who always smiled widely, Yamato who always tried to make everyone happy, he would lose him if he stayed silent and didn't do anything fast. He sighed heavily, hoped the feeling of tightness in his chest disappeared together with his breath.   
  
Meanwhile, all the way to the school Ren glanced at the silent Yamato quietly. Ichimura did the same thing.   
  
"Yamato? Are you sure you're okay? You look a little pale." Ren asked him softly.   
  
"Yes. I’m fine." Yamato replied briefly. He really didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Not when his mood went down to the level where he wanted to scream loudly until all of his feeling flew out with it.   
  
He was trapped between his willing to make everyone around him happy with the fact that his existence alone was making everyone suffer. He gritted his teeth to suppress his feelings that want to burst out suddenly. He really wanted to scream aloud but he doesn't have the courage to do it. Not in front of his friends, who had glanced every second at him with wonder. He doesn't want to give them more problems. They had suffered enough because of the problems they were facing at the time. He didn't want to add them more burden with all of his laments which was not important. No. He shouldn't even be with them. Wasn't all their suffering caused by him? There's nothing happened before he appeared and stick with them. They looked fine and everything went out smoothly. Problems popped up just when they knew him. He was the one who drag out all the problems. He was the one who caused all the things that happened lately. He was the one who lead them to their …  
  
"Yamato!"   
  
Yamato jolted. He looked at Ren who looked at him with worried. He then realized that he stopped on the way.   
  
"I'm sorry. Let's go."   
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Asked Ichimura. "You don't have to go to school if you're sick."   
  
"I'm okay. Come on. Yankumi will nag us if we come late."   
  
With that he stepped back, forgetting all his feeling and tried to look fine. But his friends couldn't be fooled. They saw clearly the confusion on his face. But again, they could only stare each other without words.   


~~~~

  
"He looked very uncomfortable." Ichimura took a seat beside Ren in the classroom. "And he was vomiting just now."  
  
Ren looked at him with wide eyes. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. I saw him hurriedly run to the toilet and I followed him. I just didn't go near him because he will try to hide it again."  
  
 _Something is happening. What is it?_  
  
Ren greeted his teeth. "Where is he now?"  
  
"On the rooftop as usual."  
  
Ren was about to stand up when Yamato entered the classroom silently. He just quietly took a seat at the back side of the classroom and silently gazed every inch part of the room, every face of his classmates, picturing them to his mind so he would always remember them. And his gaze stopped to Ren who stared back at him without blinking.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's nothing. It's just …, don't you want to tell us something?"  
  
Yamato chuckled. "What?"  
  
"I just feel it, okay? It seems that you're hiding something."  
  
"What are you talking about? I'm not hiding something."  
  
"Why don't you voice out everything in your mind now? I'm sure it will help a little." Ichimura suggested while staring at him.  
  
Yamato looked at him for a moment. He had to say something or these guys wouldn't give up. He sighed. "I still can't believe that we're going to graduate tomorrow."  
  
Ichimura was just staring at him silently.  
  
 _It's not that. You're just trying to avoid our questions again. What is it, Yamato? What are you hiding of?_  
  
"And it's not complete if we don't graduate together. Not without half of us."  
  
Everyone in the classroom stopped their chattering and looked at him now. Silently they agreed with them. Half of their classmates were not here.  
  
"I want us to graduate together. Every member of this class."  
  
Now they stared each other.  
  
"We will." Ren said that with smile on his face, assuring him that everything would go right.  
  



	8. Graduation Party

“For our graduation, cheers!” Kuraki said it loudly by holding a glass of iced tea on his hand.  
  
Everybody smiled widely and stood up, following him, holding their glasses and toasted them together.  
  
“Congratulation!” Kuma and Ami smiled at them happily.  
  
“I never think that we could graduate, you know?” Honjo sat back to his chair and drank all of his iced tea at one time.  
  
“Me too, me too!” Kuraki agreed him with raised his hand. “I thought I would drop out before graduation.”  
  
“Ha ha ha … don’t underestimate yourself, guys. That’s not good.” Kuma interrupted him.  
  
“No. I never underestimate myself. I just wonder. We could graduate properly if we tried, couldn’t we?”  
  
Everybody nodded in agree with him. No one ever guessed that they could graduate properly. Delinquent with no brain who always loitering around the city without any destination every day. Who would expect them to graduate? No one. And now, they could. That’s the best thing ever happened in their life.  
  
“I’m glad Yankumi came at the right time. I couldn’t imagine what would happen to us if she never came to our school.” Kamiya said it while looking at all of his friends.  
  
Everybody agreed him silently.  
  
“Probably Yamato and Ren will fight to celebrate the graduation. And of course us too. To make sure who is the strongest person in Akadou for the last time.”  
  
Everybody looked at Honjo without blinking, made him smiled sheepishly. He tried hard to remember what he said, but he found nothing wrong with it. He was just voiced out what he had in his mind and for him that was the only thing that would happen if they were themselves before Yankumi came to their school. They would fight for their pride as the strongest person in their school. There’s nothing else.  
  
Then suddenly everybody burst out into laughter together.  
  
“You’re right. Definitely right. We will only think about who is the strongest. We will totally forget that we’re just graduated.” Kamiya gave him a thumb up, made Honjo smiled widely, proud of himself.  
  
“If we could graduate, guys. Looking back at us few times ago, I’m not sure if we could even stay at school until graduation. Probably they had already kicked us out of the school before we even manage to follow the final examination.” Ren said casually which received another nod from the others.  
  
“By the way, Honjo, this is the first time you said something right and very reasonable.”  
  
“Shut up! Of course I can say something good. I have my brain. You underestimate me!”  
  
Again, they burst out into laughter.  
  
"I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused." Yamato suddenly bowed respectfully to the five people in front of him. “For all the bad days you’ve been through, for all the unpleasant experiences, from the bottom of my heart I’m asking for your apologize.”  
  
Not only them. Kuma and Ami which was standing near them at the time could only look at each other confusedly. There was something wrong with his attitude today. He was too silent since they came in to the café. He was just smiled without words coming out from his mouth. As if he wasn’t really interested in everything around him. He looked drowning into his own world and didn’t want to come out.  
  
"Yamato, you're scaring me. The way you talk, it is as if you are going to ... die." Honjo looked at him trying to figure out what happened to the other four, which only received the same silent question and a really hard whack from Kamiya.  
  
Yamato just smiled. "After this we will pursue our path alone, right? That's why I want us to part on good terms."  
  
Ren suddenly hit his head hard. "Don’t be stupid! Who's to say we'd split up, huh? We keep going like this even until none of us could remember our own name!"  
  
"Yamato, we will still live in the same city, ok. So don’t scare us out, please?” Kamiya tapped his shoulder gently.  
  
Yamato smiled sheepishly and nodded. “I’m sorry. It’s just …, everything will be different from now on. So, I guess we will need a lot of courage to start everything on our own.”  
  
“What are you going to say? I really don’t understand what you’re talking about.” Kuraki stared at him confusedly.  
  
Again, Yamato just smiled sheepishly. “Forget it. Basically I just want to say good luck for all of you. For your new life and your new future. And I hope all of you, could fulfill your happiness, in every way you want.”  
  
_What exactly are you going to say, Yamato? Just say it straightly. To say such a long and beautiful farewell like that. This is so not you._  
  
Ichimura’s just staring at him silently. He wasn’t interested to talk something. He was too curious with Yamato’s attitude until he didn’t realize that Kamiya was always stole glances on him.  
  
“Yamato, do you want to go somewhere? And will not coming back?” Ichimura finally asked him.  
  
Everybody turned to him now. They saw the very curious Ichimura, which rarely happen, staring intently at Yamato who only smiled at him.  
  
“No. I don’t have any plan to go somewhere. Do you find it strange if I say those things?”  
  
Everybody nodded together. Even Kuma and Ami followed them unknowingly.  
  
“It’s so not you, Yamato. Honjo’s right. Ichi’s right, too. You sounded like you will go somewhere and not coming back when you say those words. Or rather, die? I’m not sure. But me myself, I feel that you won’t see us ever again. It sounds that you will go away and will never coming back.” Ren stared at him now, silently demanded him to explain what he meant by his words.  
  
_Is it really a farewell speech? Is he going to go somewhere? Where?_  
  
The questions popped out of his mind one after another.  
  
Yamato smiled widely. “Come on, guys. If Honjo could guess what would happen to us right after graduation as ourselves before Yankumi came, can’t I say something good like that?”  
  
“Of course you can. But … it sounds … weird.”  
  
“Hm. It is you who say it. The words themselves sound weird to me, and when I heard it came out of you, it becomes weirder. As he said,” Kuraki pointed at Ren, “it is so not you.”  
  
Yamato chuckled. “Don’t look at me like that, please. I just want to say it, ok. Thank you anyway, for these last days. I am the happiest person in the world for having you beside me. Thank you very much.” He bowed again in front of them. “I couldn’t say anything more than this.”  
  
“Yamato, you’re really creepy. You scare us out.”  
  
Everybody agreed with Ren’s words. They looked at Yamato with no words.  
  
“Come on, guys. Don’t look at me like that. It’s nothing, you know.” Yamato laughed out loudly until tears came out of his eyes.  
  
But nobody laughed with him. They just stared at him silently. The boys exchanged confused look each other. They could see clearly the hidden cries which he tried hard to cover with his laugh but they didn’t have heart to tell him that they could read him clearly. He was hiding something and some of them were at their peak to know what it is. They silently agreed to find out about it secretly.  
  
“Alright, alright!” Kuma clapped his hand. “Eat anything you want. It’s my treat.”  
  
“Heehhhh?” Everybody looked at him in disbelief.  
  
“Are you sure?” Ren bulged his eyes.  
  
“Yes. Don’t hold yourself.” Ami smiled at them contently.  
  
And soon all of them forgot about what they have just thought. They ate like there was no burden in their heart at all. Everybody’s drowning into their infinity happiness and forgetting all of their curiosity.  


  
~~~~  


Later on the way home, Yamato walked silently along the crowded street. He enjoyed every step, every second, like he would never walk onto those places anymore. He stopped under the red light, waiting for it to become blue. He smiled slightly at chattering around him not realizing somebody stepped beside him and grabbed his hand.

“It’s time to celebrate your graduation.”

Yamato turned and stunned.

_Not now, please. I have to go home early. Not now. Please. Somebody save me._

But Fate didn’t agree with him. He turned around but didn’t see any one he knew. The man dragged him to cross the street and he didn’t have the will to fight. He lost it. He fought many times but never succeeded. So he just followed him obediently.


	9. It's A Cold Night

Impatiently Ryu pressed the buttons on his phone. He nervously paced the room while Shin just looked at him in silence.  
  
"He didn’t pick it," He moaned weakly, "and it's almost midnight."  
  
Shin stayed silent for a moment before stood up from the couch. "Let's find him."  
  
Without waiting Ryu soon followed him. Hastily they walked down the street. The street which was usually filled with a variety of vehicles passing by looked deserted. They only encountered with the people who were still passing by on the sidewalk. Some just got home from work, some were departed to work and others just spent the night aimless.  
  
The air that night was fresh, without the smoke from vehicles which suffocating, without its noises, and without the sound of horn that pressed continuously.  
  
The winter winds were blowing rather harsh, but Shin didn’t feel the coolness. His feeling was erratic. He looked around anxiously along the way. Many times he stopped to make sure that he would find the one he looked for but still unable to find him.  
  
No signs of him at all. He went to the places he met Yamato before or places where he saw Yamato with his friends usually hung out, but found nothing. Everyone shook their head when he asked about him. Yamato had never been in there today.  
  
He sighed heavily and stopped at the intersection, waiting for the light to turn green.  
  
“You can’t find him too?” Ryu came with panting.  
  
Shin didn’t turn over. He was just looked around the wide street, trying hard to find the figure he tried to find since hours ago.  
  
“And it’s almost two o’clock.”  
  
Shin didn’t reply at all.  
  
“Maybe he’s already home. I’ll call Yuichi.”  
  
After few moment waiting somebody answered from the other side.  
  
 _“Do you know what time is it? Don’t you guys need some sleeps?”_  
  
“Is Yamato home?”  
  
Only the sound of rustling for a moment and then followed by the sound of the door opened.  
  
 _“No, not yet. His room is empty. Don’t you find him yet? It’s really cold here. He didn’t wear any jacket this morning. And he got a little fever last night.”_  
  
Ryu hissed weakly. “We’re trying. There’s no sign of him everywhere. How’s aunty?”  
  
 _“She didn’t know yet. Just please, find him soon before she realized that he didn’t come home.”_  
  
Ryu hung up his phone. He didn’t have to tell Shin that Yamato didn’t come home yet. Shin had already walked ahead to continue the search. He followed him right away and again, they wandered around the city to find Yamato.  
  
Somewhere in an empty street, Reita walked slowly. He clenched his jacket tightly, trying to warm his body from the biting cold air. The clock somewhere rang three times. It was three o’clock in the morning. There’s no wind but the air was freezing. He titled his head at the sight of a familiar figure walking with a limp not far in front of him. He felt familiar with the figure. And when he realized who was it he chased him  
  
“What are you doing here? This is passed midnight and almost morning. Are you out of your mind? And you’re not wearing the proper jacket!” Reita snapped at the figure. Hurriedly he took off his own jacket and put it on him. “You should consider your own body.”  
  
“I’m fine. And what are you doing here too?” Yamato tried to run away from him but failed. His body couldn’t move fast. It hurt a lot.  
  
Reita narrowed his eyes. He saw the bruise on Yamato’s jaw. “Did you fight?” he reached his chin to look at his jaw more clearly.  
  
Yamato shrugged it off. He took off the jacket and threw it back to Reita. “I didn’t. Don’t mind me. I’m totally fine.” And he started to walk away.  
  
But Reita insisted to follow him.  
  
“Move away! Don’t follow me!”  
  
Reita chuckled. “We lived in the same neighborhood if you forget. Your house is right next to mine. And this is the only way for me to reach my house. I’m walking home. Not following you.”  
  
Yamato kept silence. His mind didn’t work at all. He was just following his feet. His body instinctively walked along the way home without the instruction of his brain. It stopped working.  
  
Reita stared at him in silence from behind. He limped for sure but tried hard to walk properly. He chased Yamato and walked beside him. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he reached his arm.  
  
Again, Yamato shrugged him off. “Don’t touch me!” He hissed.  
  
Reita stunned. There were tears hanging in his eyes and ready to fall in no time. The last time he saw him cry was long time ago. When exactly, he had forgotten already.  
  
 _What happens?_  
  
He looked at him and studied him carefully. He looked suffering. But why? He was just graduated today. Everybody was so cheerful this morning. They fought to save him but still they laughed from their heart. They went back to school with puffing out their chest. They looked proud and happy with their graduation. But now, Yamato didn’t look like himself this morning. He looked different. He looked lonely and tried to pull himself from the outside world. He seemed to want to disappear.  
  
 _Something is up. What is it?_  
  
“Did you forget what you tell me this morning? You told me to not fight for nothing. A fight will only cause more problems. And look at you now. How many people did you fight until you hurt this bad?”  
  
Yamato kept silence. He didn’t have a will to say something to Reita.  
  
Reita was just staring at him when he got no answer. Again he put his jacket on Yamato. This time, he didn’t refuse. Reita walked slowly beside him.  
  
“Want me to help you to walk?”  
  
This time Yamato didn’t refuse too. He surrendered to the fact that he couldn’t move alone anymore. His body ached. And he leaned on Reita when he reached his arm.  
  
Reita grabbed Yamato and put his arm to his shoulder. He embraced his waist and propped his body as Yamato leaned his weight on him.  
  
“Geez, what exactly happened to you? You look like a crap, you know.” I know. I’m not just a crap.  
  
 _I’m also a burden for everyone. Without me everybody will live happily._  
  
Reita hobbled when suddenly Yamato leaning his body totally on him. He looked at him and saw a teardrop falling from the corner of his eye.  
  
“Want me to stop?” he asked him softly.  
  
“No, please. I’m sorry. I’m just …” Yamato didn’t continue his words. He stopped and kept silence once more. With his sleeve he wiped his tears.  
  
No one talked for the rest of the way. Reita didn’t have a heart to ask him more. He even waited until Yamato closed the door before turned around and went to his own house.  
  
Inside the house, Yamato sat silently on the couch in the living room. He was almost drifted to the slumber when a hand touched him gently. He lifted his head and saw his brother was staring at him.  
  
“Where have you been? Do you know what time is it?”  
  
Yamato stood up. He didn’t want to explain anything right. He was exhausted, from everything.  
  
“Yamato, I’m asking you.”  
  
“I’m fine. I was with dad until I forgot the time. He asked me to celebrate my graduation.” _I’m not lying. It is the truth._  
  
“You should call me first. You made us worried like hell.”  
  
“I’m sorry.” That’s the only answer came from his mouth. Limped he walked to his room and locked the door from inside.  
  
Yuichi stayed silence in his place. There’s no way Yamato spent his time with their father to celebrate his graduation. They were like fire and water lately. They couldn’t stay at the same place at a time. And he limped. What had happened?  
  
 _Where had he been?_  
  
He then he called Ryu.  
  
“He’s home.”  
  
 _“How is he? Is he fine?”_  
  
“Not really. He limped. There were bruises along his jaws. And it seems he’s hiding something. He didn’t tell me the truth.”  
  
 _“What did he say?”_  
  
“He said he was with our dad to celebrate his graduation. That’s really impossible, you know. They didn’t get along well lately.”  
  
There was no response. Ryu didn’t talk for a while.  
  
 _“Can you tell me when he goes out tomorrow?”_ Shin was speaking on the phone.  
  
“Why don’t you come over tomorrow? He will be alone in the house. I have classes, and mom will go to work.”  
  
Silence for a moment.  
  
 _“Sure. Call me when you’re leaving tomorrow.”_  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Something popped out of his mind suddenly. These two were too worried about Yamato. Did something happen? Did he miss something? So far he knew Yamato was just fighting and fighting. He graduated was something big. He knew that his brother wasn’t a stupid but he hadn’t read his books for years. He closed it and never opened it. He was still curious about the reason until now but he didn’t dare to ask him. He was busy with his school’s paper already. He didn’t have time to think about anything else, and now his cousins worried about Yamato made him think about everything carefully. Something was happening and he needed to find out.  



	10. The Worried Brothers

The cool weather this morning was touching their skin gently. The sound of birds chirping on trees along the street welcomed them when they set their feet on the way to the Ogata’s residence. The cherry flower buds began to bloom, adding a cheerful jovial mood this morning.  
  
But that cheerful atmosphere was unable to remove the anxiety that surrounded the heart of the two people walking hand in hand with a bit of a hurry. They just wanted to arrive quickly to their destination, where they could meet with the person, who they had been looking for all night, hoping to see him untouched, and remained alive without any new injuries that would make him more suffered. They wanted to meet him immediately to ask where he was last night and why he wasn’t able to be contacted. Was something bad happened again or did he just spend his time with his friends to celebrate his graduation.  
  
Yuichi was ready to leave the house by the time they arrived.  
  
“His door is locked but I know he’s still sleeping. You can enter his room using the door to the balcony in the living room upstairs.” Yuichi pointed.” It connected to his balcony door. Just, don’t wake him up, okay. This is the first day of him being a graduated so let this day becomes his reward of it. It’s because I actually didn’t prepare anything for him.” He smiled sheepishly.  
  
Ryu smiled slightly. “Don’t worry. We won’t wake him up. We’ll let him wake up by his own. We’ll just be here so he won’t be alone.”  
  
Yuichi stared at them for a moment. “Did you guys hiding something? I mean, is there something wrong with him? He didn’t involve into something bad, did he?”  
  
“No!” Ryu snapped at him. “Why do you think he involved into something bad. You know him better than anyone else. It’s impossible for him to be involved into something bad.”  
  
“Isn’t it obvious? He came home too late with bruises on his jaws. And maybe he is still hiding other bruises all over his body. It always happened you know, all the time. Maybe he got wounds too. He will only locked his door when he’s hiding something and doesn’t want anybody else finds that secret. And I’m sure that he fought again yesterday.”  
  
Shin grabbed Ryu’s arm when once again he wanted to snap at Yuichi.  
  
“Trust me, he didn’t fight. He stopped fighting since almost a year. So don’t worry.”  
  
Yuichi stared at Shin silently. Something was clicking in his mind. He narrowed his eyes and looked Shin in his eyes.  
  
 _They’re really hiding something._  
  
“You’re not even here for a very long time. You didn’t meet him these past years. How can you be so sure that he didn’t fight? And how can you explain me where do those bruises come from?”  
  
“I don’t know. But I can assure you that he didn’t fight. Why don’t you try to look at him closely? Try to observe him. You will know how he got those bruises.” Shin darted his eyes to Yuichi. “You’re always busy with your own life lately. You made your assignment as a tool to run away from him. At least spare your time to give him more attention, and I’m sure you will get all of your answers immediately.”  
  
Yuichi gulped. Shin wasn’t the one who talked much so far he knows but he just did. And he was right. He was always using his assignment to stay long outside their home. And two years ago he even moved out from the house and stayed alone in an apartment near his universities. He needed more space to study and the apartment was near the campus were all his reasons so their parent wouldn’t say no. He was tired seeing Yamato always came home with bruises all over his body every day. He couldn’t stay long near him because he never looked at him and always tried to ignore his presence. He felt rejected by his own little brother. So he decided to move out. And as he expected before, they let him go.  
  
Yuichi sighed heavily. “Okay. I’ll leave then. And I’m going straight to my own apartment after my classes end. So see you.” with that Yuichi left the house.  
  
Shin and Ryu waited until they were assured that Yuichi left, and without words they went upstairs right away. They entered Yamato’s room to find him sleeping soundly. A bottle of sleeping pills that stood proudly on the table beside his bed welcomed them when they moved close to the bed. They observed Yamato carefully. Ryu reached his wrist, tried to check that he was fine, but stunned when he found new contusions on it. They were still red. The trace of blood was still clearly visible. He looked at Shin but got no response. Shin was too busy opening Yamato’s clothes. He was still wearing his uniform which means he was fell asleep right after he got home and didn’t have any intention to get a change. Or, he didn’t have more energy to do it.  
  
Ryu unlocked the door and went out. Few times later he was coming back bringing first aid box.  
  
“We should clean him first. Prepare warm water.” Shin said that with his eyes never averted from Yamato. His hands roaming all over his chest, tried to find any sign of broken ribs. He sighed when he didn’t find one.  
  
“Shin …”  
  
“Let’s take care of this part first.” Shin cut him before he could say anything.  
  
Ryu greeted his teeth before stood up and went out once again. Silently he prayed that they won’t see anything bad. But from what Yuichi said last night, it looked like they will face something worse than before.  
  
In the room Shin looked at the sleeping face in front of him. It was so peaceful. He couldn’t find any sign of hurt, anger, or sadness drew on it. It’s just peace and innocent. The face of a child he longed for years. The face he would never found if the boy was awoke. He gulped and stood up. He went to the wardrobe and took out the pajamas. He was staring at the youngest silently when Ryu came back with a can of warm water in his hand. Without words they cleaned Yamato.  
  
Ryu almost cried when Shin finally took off Yamato’s trousers. There were bruises all over his foot. Some of them were still bleeding. His hand was trembling when he cleaned his thigh.  
  
“If you can’t control yourself, get out.” Shin hissed at him while grabbing the towel from his hand and started to clean Yamato.  
  
“Sorry.” He whispered before dash out the room.  
  
Shin gritted his teeth. The anger within him grew bigger as time passed by. He tried hard to be gentle when he wiped the youngest’ wounds. Why could this happen to him? It’s the only question mingled in his mind.  
  
Few minutes later Ryu came back. He looked calm now. He grabbed the towel back and continued the task. Shin just looked at him silently before reached the first aid box.  
  
Later on, the living room was too silent. No one interested to start any conversation. They just sat still on the couch and busy with their own thinking. They tried hard to find a way to save him. It’s impossible to make Yamato confess to them about what had happened and who did it, so they have to find their own way.  
  
After a moment, Ryu took his phone and pushed numbers on it. After waiting someone to pick the phone up from the other line finally he talked.  
  
“Hey, it’s me.”  
  
 _“Ryu? Wow! Long time no see. Where have you been? How are you doing?”_  
  
“Mm, I’m fine. I .., want your help.”  
  
 _“Wow. As usual. Straight to the point. What is it?”_  
  
“Where are you? Do you still in this town?”  
  
 _“Yes I am. Where do you think I could go? My home’s here, if that little apartment could be called as home. And I’m working here too. What is it? Tell me.”_  
  
“I …, need you to tell me if you see someone …, I mean see in see, with your eyes.”  
  
 _“I got it. Who is it?”_  
  
“It’s my cousin.”  
  
 _“Did he do something? Bad I mean?”_  
  
“No, no. He didn’t do anything bad. Just, call me please if you see him around.”  
  
 _“Sure. But how do I acknowledge him. We never met before.”_  
  
“I’ll send you his picture. Please inform me when you see him around the town.”  
  
 _“Okay. I’ll do that. Is this a secret?”_ Suddenly his voice lowered.  
  
Ryu sighed. “Hayato, you don’t have to whisper to ask that question. And yes, make it a secret, please.”  
  
 _“Aaa, sorry. I think it’s better if I ask help from the other. But if you say it’s a secret, then I’ll make it as a secret.”_  
  
“You mean they’re here too?”  
  
 _“Yes Hyuga is working as a mechanic, and Take is a salary man now. He looked great in suit. But I couldn’t reach Tsuci at all. I kind of lost him totally.”_  
  
“Oh, okay. You may tell them but keep it secret, okay. Just call me right away when you see him around.”  
  
 _“Understood, sir.”_  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
 _“Hey, that’s what friends are for.”_  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Ryu closed his phone and gazed to Shin who was silently typing on his phone. Few times later he looked up and met the younger’s eyes. A silent promise made up. A promise that they would do something, so Yamato would never be hurt more than this. It’s enough now. It’s time to move, or they will lose him for sure.  



	11. They're Always There

He smiled and breathed the cool air of the Spring in. He closed his eyes and felt the breeze slowly crawling to his heart, erasing all worried which stayed like forever in his heart since the last time he met Yamato.  
  
“Where the hell is Yankumi! What took her so long, anyway? She doesn’t even have to do her make up!”  
  
Those grunts awakened him from his own world. It pissed him off suddenly.  
  
“Shut up, shorty! You’ve just erased the comfort I’ve just got from this fresh air.”  
  
Everybody suddenly turned to him and stared at him without words.  
  
“Did I … say something wrong?” He asked them sheepishly.  
  
Kamiya moved over and touched his forehead. “He doesn’t get a fever.” He mumbled by himself.  
  
“Is he okay?” Ichimura asked him from behind.  
  
“He’s fine. No fever. I wonder.”  
  
“Mm, guys? Do you mind telling me what’s wrong? Did I say something weird?”  
  
Kuraki moved over him. “Honjo, maybe being a graduated made you more matured. You’ve just said something which is so not you.”  
  
“Eh?” Honjo stared at him without blinking. He was confused. “Did I?” He looked at Ren and Ichimura.  
  
“Yes. You’ve never cared about the fresh air, about the comfort things. You’ve only cared about yourself before.” Ren explained him the truth about him.  
  
Honjo smiled sheepishly. “Guys, I grew up, okay. I’m an adult now. I’m a tofu maker.” He raised his hand to the air.  
  
“But you’ve just called me SHORTY!” Kuraki jumped and slapped his head hard.  
  
“Ouch, that’s hurt!”  
  
“Sorry, I missed the bus so I have to wait the next one.” Yamaguchi came in pants.  
  
“Why don’t you just say that you woke up late again?” Ren mocked her.  
  
Everybody were grinning at her like there’s no tomorrow, made her smiled sheepishly at everybody.  
  
“Yosh, everybody’s here. Let’s go to his house!” She took out a paper from her bag. But before she could read it, Ren had taken it away.  
  
“Okay, let’s go.”  
  
Yamaguchi just gaped at them, didn’t believe that these guys still never changed. But she smiled finally when she saw their enthusiasm to find about their friends. So she just followed them obediently.  
  
Few moments later they arrived at the written address. Everybody was just staring at the house in front of them. They lost their words.  
  
“Are you sure this is his house?” Ren asked with his eyes blinking many times, tried to assure himself that he saw the same thing like others.  
  
“Yes. It’s written clearly on that paper, right?” Yamaguchi answered nonchalantly. She tried to open the gate but it locked. “As expected.” She mumbled by herself.  
  
“Are you sure? Maybe we turned at the wrong turn?” Kuraki looked at Yamaguchi who still tried to open the lock of the gate.  
  
“I’m sure we don’t. Look at the sign near the door, it’s clearly written OGATA. So I guess we’ve arrived at the right address.” She then gave up when the gate didn’t move at all. She turned and joined the boys who still fascinated with the huge of the Ogata Residence.  
  
“He never mentioned that he was one of the rich?” Ichimura said with a weak tone.  
  
“And living in a huge house.” Honjo was still staring at the house in front of him. He was still couldn’t believe his eyes. The house was too big for him to imagine that he had a friend who lived in such a place.  
  
Everybody was still amazed with the house and stood in silent when a car suddenly stopped abruptly in front of the house. A young man, Yamato with a short black hair and matured features, run to the house. He was so fast until no one of them could ask him something. And few times later, he came out again from the house, with someone in his embrace. It’s the real Yamato. Their Yamato. The one with the dark brown hair, in a really thick blanket, pale, with the worried face mother followed behind them. They hurriedly went away with the car.  
  
“What happened?” Ichimura asked after a few moments silence.  
  
Nobody answered. They suddenly ran to the same direction where the car moved away.  
  
 _What happened? Is he alright? He looked pale. Really pale. Is he sick?_  
  
Those questions mingled on their mind while running along the way to the near hospital, hoped that they came to the same place where they took Yamato.  


  
~~~~   


The corridor of the hospital was too silent until Yuichi felt the cold crept out on his heart. He saw his mother was trying hard to hide her worried. She grabbed her jacket hard to prevent the cry. She tried hard to not cry. Yuichi sat next to him and reached her hand.

“He will be fine. Don’t worry.”

She smiled to her first born.

“I know. He never gives up. He will fight to stay strong, and will always try to not worry us more than this. He is fighting now, to stay with us. He will be fine.”

But her tears betrayed her. It rolled down her cheek. She wiped it quickly.

“I’ll call Dad.”

Yasuko nodded. Honestly she disagreed if Yuichi called him but he is their father. He deserved to know about Yamato’s condition.

“Would you at least come here, please? There’s nothing to lose if you leave your work just for one day. He is your son, and now he is fighting inside the emergency room to stay alive.”

Yasuko looked at his son when suddenly he raised his voice. “Yuichi, we’re in the hospital. Low your voice, please. And don’t force him to come here.”

“He is our father, mom.” He hissed while looking at her. “He should be here when one of us needed him, no matter what.”

Yasuko sighed. It sure ran in the family, she realized that. The stubbornness.

_“Listen. I’m in the middle of a meeting. This meeting is more important than anything else in the world. This meeting is being hold for our future.”_

“Dad, his heart is beating too low. The doctor suggests us to call you. He needs you.”

_“Yuichi, I told you I can’t leave this meeting. You can handle that easily, can’t you?”_

“You’re the one who told me to always be careful with him because he has a weak immune system! Would you at least see him? You don’t have to say anything, just hold his hand, just for a second. It would make a difference. Make him know that you’re here. Please … I beg you. I really don’t want to lose him.”

_“I’m sorry. I will not come. He never listened to me. He never obeyed me. He always did anything he wanted and never thinks about my position. Do you think he deserves my presence?”_

“He is your son no matter what he did.”

_“Why are you defending him?”_

“I envy him a lot. I’m nothing compared to him.”

_“He’s nothing compared to you. He’s just a pain in the ass.”_

“He is a human being. He proved that. He dared to shout at you just to show him that he is a human being. He decided to live his life on his way, that’s why I envy him a lot.”

_“What do you mean by that?”_

“He decides his own path. The path he chose with his own will.”

No answer for a while.

_“I have to leave. Take care of yourself and don’t get involve with him.”_

Before Yuichi could say anything the connection was cut off. He stared at his phone without words. His heart wanted to explode. He knew that they’re always fighting lately but he didn’t expect that the result would be this bad. He never knew that his dad would be wounded that badly until he didn’t want to see Yamato even just for a minute. He never knew that his pride was this high. He thought that he will always forgive like every time he did mistakes. Was he wrong all this time? Did he really know who his father was?

“I told you not to force him to come.” Yasuko said softly from her chair. “Yamato will fight whatever happens. With or without dad here, he will still fight.”

Yuichi was just staring at her silently.

_You knew him well. You knew that he won’t come that’s why you told me to not forcing him to come. You knew that he will not come. You knew that he will refuse to come. Is he that cold? How could you handle these years together with him every day? How could you stand living for years with that kind of person? How come I didn’t realize that he is this cold?_

He then sat beside her.

The doctor came out from the room and went straight to them. “What happened? I told you that he should always stay in a warm place, didn’t I? Did he spend the night outside the house?”

“Yes.” Yuichi said it quickly before Yasuko could say anything. “Few days ago after the graduation, he spent the night outside. He came home around three or four, I forgot, but he looked exhausted. He slept all day after that.”

The doctor sighed heavily. “Any fever before this?”

“Yes. Right the night before graduation he got slight of fever. We don’t call you because it still under the emergency temperature you told us.”

The doctor nodded many times while reading his report. “I couldn’t say anything right now except that his heart rate is too low. We have to wait until tomorrow before we do the cross-examination.”

“He will be alright, won’t he?”

The doctor caressed Yasuko’s arm. “You know that I can’t answer that now. Let’s hope that his condition will be stable until tomorrow, okay.”

“Thank you.”

“I will stay here tonight. You know where to find me.”

Yasuko nodded and smiled. And she turned to Yuichi when the doctor walked away. “Why don’t you tell me that he came home late that night?”

Yuichi looked away. He didn’t want to face his mother. “Sorry.”

Yasuko sighed and went to Yamato’s room.

Yuichi followed her silently. He was not ready for further interrogation. He didn’t know what had happened to him that night. He was just known that he came home too late, with bruises on his jaws, and he believed that he was still hiding other bruises all over his body. After all he has not gotten any answer from his cousins for their concern about Yamato, which too excessive for him. Something was going on and he wanted to know what it is. Something which made even Shin cared too much. He smelled something fishy.

_What is it?_

Out of their sight, in the corner of the corridor some people stood up silently. They stared at each other without words.

“I … don’t know that he is that weak.” Ren finally said in low voice.

“Is that the reason why he was always avoiding us lately?” Kuraki looked at him.

_It’s not that. There’s something else. It’s more than that._

Unintentionally he looked at Yamaguchi who stared back at him. They exchanged silent question and promise to find out more.  



	12. He Cracked, Almost

Yoshiko closed the door slowly. Afraid if she made a lot of noise she would wake Yamato from his sleep. But when she turned around she saw him had awaken already.  
  
“Yamato, you shouldn’t get up from the bed. You should rest more. Don’t force your body to move.” She hurriedly reached him and tried to make him back to sleep.  
  
“Mom, I’m fine. It’s just a fever. It will be gone in no time.”  
  
“No! Uncle Jun told us that you should take a rest more. You’re too tired. He will do cross-examination this afternoon after doing his surgery.”  
  
Yamato stunned.  
  
 _Cross-examination. It means he will examine me thoroughly. If he does that he will find what had happened to me. No. There’s no way I will let him find about it._  
  
“Mom.” He reached his mother’s hand. “If you let me stay here, I won’t get better. This place is too suffocated. I can’t handle the smell. It’s too strong. Our home will be the best place for me if you want me to get well soon.”  
  
“He’s right.”  
  
Before Yoshiko could answer him the doctor had already stood behind her.  
  
“A place called home is the very best place for everybody to recover, both physically and mentally. Its warmness can bring calmness in every body’s soul which leads them to their fast recovering. And I’m sure that Yamato is matured enough to realize that.” The doctor, Kawashima Jun, turned to Yamato and smiled. “And for you young man, congratulation for your graduation.”  
  
Yamato nodded at him slightly.  
  
“But Jun, are you sure that he can go home? I mean, yesterday he was so pale. He even lost his consciousness. His temperature was too high and his heart rate was too low. Are you sure that he will be okay if he go home now?”  
  
“Look at him. He is fine. He could get up from the bed without any help. It means he is totally fine. He’s just still weak because of the impact of the fever. That’s all.”  
  
“But … “  
  
“I’ll check on him to assure you, okay?” with that he reached Yamato’s wrist to check his heartbeat, and he saw it. The traces of contusions were still clearly seen on it. He stole a glance Yamato slightly who tried hard to pull back his hand but slightly he grabbed it so he couldn’t release it. He turned to Yoshiko. “Would you wait outside? I can’t concentrate if you stay here.”  
  
Yoshiko looked at him and then Yamato. Then she nodded before walked out of the room.  
  
“Tell me. What is this?” Jun hissed while staring at Yamato.  
  
“It’s nothing.” Yamato tried to release his hand from the grabbing but failed.  
  
“Yamato, you can’t lie to me. These wounds didn’t come from fighting. They didn’t come from any cut of a knife or any other sharp objects too.” He then grabbed Yamato’s another hand and showed him his two wrist. “What had happened?”  
  
“I told you it’s nothing.”  
  
“I’ve known you since you were in diaper so if you think you can hide something from me you are wrong. There’s only you and me here. Tell me honestly before your mother barged into this room because of her curiosity.”  
  
Yamato’s still didn’t give any answer. He’s still trying hard to release his hand. “Please, let me go home.” He whispered weakly.  
  
“No. Before you tell me I will not let you go.”  
  
“Please.” Tears dropped from his eyes.  
  
Jun stunned. Unconsciously he released his grab. He then reached Yamato by his shoulder and made him sat on the bed. “Is it that bad until you can’t tell me what is it?” He asked him softly.  
  
Yamato gritted his teeth hard. He tried hard to stop his tears but failed. It flew even uncontrollably. “Please … don’t ask … I’m fine. I’m totally … fine.”  
  
Jun looked at the boy silently. He looked so fragile until he could break any time. He didn’t have a heart to force him to be honest any further. He sighed and tapped his back.  
  
“Okay. But if you think I gave up, you’re still wrong. I will still ask you one day if I think you’re ready to answer me.”  
  
Yamato gave no answer. He wiped his tears with his fingers in silent. He then breathed heavily to calm his emotion down.  
  
Jun stared at him. Silently he observed the boy. Not just fragile, but he also looked thinner than the last time he saw him. He lost his weight a lot. It must be something big until he couldn’t control his emotion. This boy in front of him was a person who tried to always smile back then. He always tried hard to not cry even when he was alone. Many times accidentally he found him tried to suppress his cry years ago, even when he was wounded badly. But now those tears fell down uncontrollably. He must be hurt so much until he couldn’t handle it. Unconsciously he caressed his back gently. And when he saw him calmed already, he stood up.  
  
“I’ll call your mother now.”  
  
There’s still no answer. Yamato just stayed silent but this time he looked calmed like himself as usual.  
  
“How’s he?” Yoshiko demanded him once she entered the room.  
  
“He’s fine like I’ve told you. He’s just still weak and that’s all. Let him take a rest for one or two days then he will recover fully.” Jun smiled widely at her.  
  
Yoshiko looked at him in doubt. She then turned to Yamato.  
  
“How do you feel? You don’t have to force yourself to go home if you still feel weak. We can stay here for one night more to be assured that you’re fine.”  
  
“Mom, please. I’m fine. Just let’s go home.” Yamato pleaded her now. He really wanted to go out of the room before his strength lost. He knew he will never win against his doctor. He could see him thoroughly even without asking him. He would tell him honestly if he stayed longer in this place.  
  
“Okay. But if you get fever again tonight, I will bring you here again and force you to stay no matter what you say. Do you understand?”  
  
Yamato nodded many times to assure his mother. He stood up and walked out the room without waiting for his mother.  
  
Yoshiko looked at the doctor and smiled. “Thank you. I’m sorry for always bothering you.”  
  
“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”  
  
Yoshiko nodded and smiled again.  
  
“Be sure to always check on his temperature. And call me if you need something.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Jun smiled widely and escorted her to the door. “Ah. Congratulation. Your wedding. I don’t think I could come on time next week, so I think it’s better to congratulate you now.”  
  
Again, Yoshiko could only smile. “Thank you.” She then turned to find Yuichi came hurriedly.  
  
“Are you sure he can go home?”  
  
Jun smiled and nodded to him. “Yes. Home is a better place for him to recover now. Much better than here. So, I send him home.”  
  
“But ...  
  
“You looked just fine. Don’t exaggerate something just to get attention. You’re not a child anymore.”  
  
Before Yuichi could ask any further, they heard the voice of a person they’ve been waited since yesterday. They hurriedly went out of the room.  
  
“Dad! Finally you come.”  
  
Clearly Jun saw Yamato stiffen in his place. But it’s not because of anger as usual. It’s more of afraid. His curiosity rose up suddenly so he stood beside him. “His heart rate was too low yesterday but he is fine now, so I let him go home. That’s the best place for him to recover soon.” He caressed Yamato’s back and felt its stiffness.  
  
 _Why? What is it? This isn’t his usual stiffness. He is … trembling? What happened? Did he do something to him?_  
  
“I see. Because he’s fine so I guess I’ll leave then.” And without waited any respond Tatsuo left.  
  
Everybody was too stunned with his coldness to give any answer. Jun observed Yamato silently. He didn’t ask. He was just staring at him. The boy was gritting his teeth hard. He saw his hand trembled slightly before he hurriedly hid it into his jacket pocket.  
  
“Can we go home now?”  
  
His voice was also trembling slightly but he covered it by turning left so fast. He walked away and left them in the corridor. Yuichi almost ran after him. And when Yoshiko was going to left too Jun grabbed her hand.  
  
“Make sure you won’t leave Yamato alone. If you think you can’t leave your work, or you can’t go home on time, call someone else to accompany him, okay?”  
  
Yoshiko stared at him for a moment. “Are you hiding something? Is there something wrong?”  
  
“No. Everything is fine. It’s just …, my instinct told me that you have to be careful with him. Just …, say what I’ve told you. Tell Yuichi to go home so there is someone else in the house beside you two.”  
  
Yoshiko kept silent for a while before nodded.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
This childhood friend of hers was special. His instinct was always true. When he said she should be careful, then she knew that something bad would happen.  
  
“Explain me if you found something, okay?”  
  
“I’ll do it right away when I found it. Just …, keep your eyes on him closely. He looked very …, uncomfortable. He was afraid of something. He’s hiding something.”  
  
Yoshiko nodded many times before finally decided to left.  
  
Along the way to home, in the car, Yoshiko was always stealing glances at Yamato from the rear mirror. His youngest son looked too silent for her. He was never talkative before but now he was too silent.  
  
 _What is it Jun? What do you think he’s hiding? Is it something bad? Did something happen to Yamato? Did he involve to something dangerous?_  
  
She then tried to recall his behavior. It is true that lately his youngest son was always trying to avoid her. He went to school too early than before, and went back too late. He didn’t hear him fighting lately but he always got new bruises. When she asked him he always said that it’s nothing. She then remembered one morning when Yamato was shouting in the bathroom. Is that related to his suspicious behavior?  
  
 _I guess Jun’s right. Something is going on but I don’t know what. I shouldn’t leave him alone._  
  
Later on his room Yamato lied down silently on his bed. His mother was just left. He stared at the ceiling silently.  
  
 _Just a little bit more. Please. I just need a little time. Give me strength to get through this._  
  
He jolted in surprise when his phone rang suddenly. He grabbed and stunned when he saw what flashed on it.  
  
 _No way._  



	13. A Little Reunion

_New number? Who’s this?_  
  
Yamato gulped when hesitantly took his phone from the bed. Fear suddenly crept out on his heart and he wanted to turn it off. His heart beat increased together with the trembling of his hand.  
  
 _Please. Not him, please._  
  
He prayed that it wasn’t from the person he thought. He hoped it was one of his friends. Which one? They had already graduated. They didn’t have anything to do with him anymore. They were their selves now, busied with their own problems for being adult. There’s no way they called him in such a situation. It was in the middle of the day and everybody should be at their works. Or did they on their lunch break? Maybe it was really from one of them. He should answer it. He missed them so much. He missed the day when they just wandered around the city for nothing. He missed the day they fought each other for no reason.  
  
“Yeah …” he answered weakly.  
  
 _“I’m in front of your door. Can I come in?”_  
  
 _Reita? How come he knows my number? I didn’t remember gave him this one._  
  
Hesitantly he stood up from the bed and walked to the door.  
  
 _“I mean I’m in front of your room. Aunt Yoshiko let me in few minutes ago but she told me that I have to call you first before I enter your room because she said that you want to be left alone. May I?”_  
  
Yamato closed the phone and opened the door to be faced by his childhood friend which stood up awkwardly in front of him. Without words he moved aside, signaled him to come in. And when Reita walked into the room slowly, he closed the door behind him.  
  
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in school now? Yankumi will scold you if you ditch even just for once. She’s a monster to her heart.”  
  
Reita shrugged. He threw his bag on the floor and dropped himself on the bed and folded his hands under his head. “I’m bored and I wandered around the city when I saw Yuichi’s car moved out from the hospital.” He turned to Yamato “Are you sure you’re okay now? Usually it took at least a week for you to recover from your fever back then.”  
  
Yamato chuckled and moved close to him. He sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m not a child anymore you know. It’s mom who exaggerated everything. It was just a slight of a fever and he called Yuichi who brought me right away to the hospital without checking on me first.”  
  
Reita didn’t give any respond. He was just staring at him from his back.  
  
 _You fainted. Nobody should check on you first when they know you fainted. Anybody would bring you to the hospital right away if they really knew you. I will do the same if I was the one who found you fainted._  
  
They fell into silent moment for a while. They just stayed there without words, feeling the presence of each other, made them reminiscence their old times. Reita closed his eyes, tried to feel the atmosphere. He missed this kind of situation so much. He smiled slightly when he remembered those times where they were just laying down under a shady tree near the river. No one talked. No one moved. They were just lying down and felt the wind blew their bangs. The feeling of having each other beside them, made them believe that they didn’t need anything more. It’s enough for them being together. Having your best friend stayed beside you always was enough. They didn’t need anything else in the world. They only need that simple thing, being there for each other, no more, no less.  
  
“What were you doing in Ara?”  
  
The question stopped his train of thought. He opened his eyes and saw Yamato from his back.  
  
“What were you doing in Akadou?’ He asked him back. “We promised to go to Aoshiba back then.”  
  
“Ah, I forgot.”  
  
A pillow threw at Yamato right after he said it.  
  
“People said you went to an only boy school down town. A school contained delinquents only. I went there because I thought you were there. But you weren’t. Before I realized it I’ve already drown in their behavior and couldn’t save my own self.”  
  
“Stupid.”  
  
Suddenly Reita strangled him on the bed. “Do you think whose fault is this? You made me joined those stupid persons who only cared about fighting. You made me colored my beautiful hair. You made me forgot that I have a very smart brain. And you left me to wander around that stupid school for almost two years just to find you.”  
  
Yamato laughed out his heart when Reita tickled him hard. He tried hard to release himself from the attack but Reita was too strong for him. He made him stayed still in his place and continued tickling him.  
  
“And when finally I found you in Akadou, you have already made friends and I was feeling being left out. I’m angry with you, don’t you know that? Am I jealous? Yes, I am. Why you able to stand up from your drowning while I can’t?”  
  
“That’s because we have a great teacher to pull us up.” Yamato yelled at him between his laughter.  
  
Reita stopped his attack. He then laid down beside Yamato.  
  
“You’re right. She’s a great teacher. Akadou is lucky to have such a teacher. I’m really lucky for being kicked from Ara and moved to Akadou. I found you, and I found a really interesting teacher. A teacher would understand us thoroughly.”  
  
“You won’t find that kind of teacher everywhere. Even in Aoshiba.”  
  
“Yeah …, I guess you’re right.”  
  
They fell into silence for a moment before Yamato sat up again. “I missed the old days. “He said it weakly. “The days when we spent our time freely. The days when we didn’t have any responsibility for anything. The days when we only thought about ourselves.”  
  
Reita stared at him silently. Yamato looked so lonely.  
  
 _What happened to you? What are you hiding from anyone? Why don’t you let it out? Why are you trying hard to hide it? Why don’t you try to tell someone? Why don’t you try to tell me? Like the old days when you always spilled everything to me?_  
  
“Hey ..” Hesitated, Reita finally decided to ask. “Will you tell me now why you chose Akadou?”  
  
Yamato stood up. He walked to the window and looking down at the green park below. His mother’s roses were blooming beautifully. He smiled bitterly. “Can we not talking about that now?”  
  
“When? You’ve been hiding it for years. At least, let it out little by little, and let’s start with the reason why you turned to choose Akadou? You betrayed me. I need to know why you did that.”  
  
Yamato turned to him and smiled. “I’m sorry for hurting you then. I’m sorry for making you colored you hair. I’m sorry for making you through days like hell in Ara. I’m sorry for making you …, as you are now.”  
  
“That’s not what I want to hear from you, Yamato. You do understand what I mean. I need to know your reason.”  
  
Yamato fell into silence for a moment. Slowly he walked out to the balcony. He breathed the fresh air in and closed his eyes, tried to feel the spring breeze that caressed his face. “The cherry is starting to bloom. It must be very beautiful next week.”  
  
Reita followed behind him. “Yamato, please.”  
  
Yamato turned to him and smiled. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything. Can we talk about something else?”  
  
Reita stunned. His hand clenched into a fist in his pockets. “I don’t want to talk about something else right now. I’m here because I want to talk about you.”  
  
Again, Yamato smiled to him. “Please?”  
  
Reita gritted his teeth. “Then I’m going home.” And with that he turned over and walked out the room.  
  
“Reita.” Yamato called him and almost ran after him but he stopped right in front of his closed door. After a silence he went back to his bed and lied down. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know that I’ve hurt you too. I’m sorry.” He whispered weakly. His tears fell down and he cried in silence.  
  
 _I really made everybody suffered with everything I did. I should’ve been here longer than now. I should’ve disappeared._  
  
Reita stood up in front of the door for a while. He wanted to go back to the room but decided to not. He saw it. He couldn’t forget Yamato’s eyes when he saw him. It was full of hurt and sadness. He wanted to grab him to his embrace but he also knew that Yamato would refuse it now. And he failed to make him talk. He knew from the very start that he would fail but still, it hurt him so much when he know that Yamato wouldn’t spill anything to him. It meant that he didn’t trust him enough.  
  
 _I want him back. I want my cheerful Yamato back. I want my so honest Yamato back to me. I want him back so we can share everything like we used to be. I want him back. But how? He locked everything in his heart and tried hard to not ever let anyone to even see it. He pulled himself to his own world which nobody could enter. What should I do?_  



	14. A Peaceful Day

_“Kumai Ramen. NOW! URGENT!”_  
  
It was just a short message. No reason and no explanation. Usually Honjo would call him instead of sending a message. It needed more time to wait the answer from the receiver, he said, but now he sent him a message. It was just a very short message which contained a very suspicious instruction.  
  
Yamato smiled slightly.  
  
 _What now?_  
  
Even so he stood up from his bed and walked down the stair.  
  
“Going somewhere?” Yuichi gazed him from the couch.  
  
“Yeah. I’m leaving.”  
  
“Call me if you’re staying out late.”  
  
He was just walked away and ignoring his brother’s demand. He breathed the air before decided that he would just walk to his destination. It had been three months since the last time he saw them. So many things happened along the time. His mother’s wedding was the best gift in his life. She looked happy. Yuichi came back home was the bonus.  
  
He was afraid when his mother told him that she would live with his new husband for a while in another town. It meant that he would live alone in the house.  
  
Alone.  
  
It was nothing.  
  
You just have to do everything without any help from other, and you would have the house all for yourself. But for him, living alone in that house would be a hell. He thought he would die soon just a second before suddenly Yuichi came and told him that he moved back. Unconsciously he sighed in relief in front of his brother until he was mocked all night long.  
  
He didn’t care. He didn’t even get mad. He was just silently obeyed everything his brother told him that night, that amused Yuichi much.  
  
And his three months free from any fear he hid deep inside was an extra bonus. He felt the peaceful life and enjoyed it contently. Reita was still avoiding him though. He didn’t even pick up his phone every time he called, but Yamato didn’t care. He did realize that Reita had the right to get mad at him. To hate him. He betrayed him and didn’t try to explain everything. It hurt him so much when the boy turned around when accidentally they met on their way back home, but again, he didn’t care. He just wanted to live his peaceful life to the fullest.  
  
Yamato looked up to the sky. He reached out his hand like he wanted to grab the sun that was shining bright in the sky. He smiled and closed his eyes, feeling the heat showered his face. Mr. Sun was being happy these days. It was summer time. It was the best time for him to show his light for every part of the earth. It was the best time to prove every creature in the universe that he was the greatest part of the world. Without him, nobody could live. Nothing could live. Mr. Sun was so proud of himself. He kept smiling while showering the world with his light. So why should he drown into his gloomy days forever? He should get up by himself. Nobody would reach out their hand to help him if he didn’t have his own will to get up. So Yamato decided to move on and promised himself to defend every storm he would face in the future. It wasn’t his fault that everything moved out of its track. It wasn’t his fault that his family broke apart. His mother was happy. Yuichi came back home and tried to always be there for him now. He could see Reita was trying to grab his bright future back. It’s still a long way though after what he went through during his Ara days, but he knew that the boy would succeed. He would soon be back to himself, and that’s enough for him. He didn’t need anything else. Everything was moving back into its own track.  
  
Yamayo smiled again before continuing his trip. The sound of kids chattering along the way somehow comforted his heart. He turned his gaze to see kids were playing ball in the field along the side of the river. He breathed hard and hummed a song along the way to his destination.  
  
Ren was the only one he met when he arrived at the place.  
  
“Got the message too?”  
  
Ren nodded many times as the answer.  
  
“I don’t know what’s on their mind. Sending me a short message without any explanation. What the urgent thing they said? Any idea?” he turned to see Yamato silently sat beside him.  
  
Yamato only shrugged. He really had no idea what was this all about.  
  
“Don’t they know that it’s still work time?”  
  
Yamato just kept silence in his place. He took the chopstick and tapped it to the table, producing a monotonous rhythm which somehow calming him.  
  
“How’s your day in school?”  
  
Yamato turned to Ren which silently demanded him to answer. He chuckled lightly. “It was just like any other school. Rules, homework, and many similar things like high school. There’s nothing different.”  
  
“Have you made some friends?”  
  
Yamato didn’t answer him right away. “Yeah …” If someone who became his project partner could be called as a friend.  
  
Ren doubted him for sure. So far he knew Yamato was the kind of person who hard to accept other on his side even just as a friend. He was always tried to pull himself to his own world. The world where he could live his life as he planned. The world where he could rule himself as he wanted. The world where he could hide from any pain and hurt.  
  
Suddenly he stunned.  
  
 _Hurt._  
  
He stole a glance to Yamato’s wrist. He could clearly saw the traces of contusions but nothing new. It was just scars, and looked faded. There’s no sign of new wounds around it.  
  
Unconsciously Ren sighed heavily in relief. Maybe Ichi’s right that he was wrong. Maybe Yamato’s right that he was accidentally wounded. Maybe he was too far thinking that something suspicious was happening to him. But looking at him now, he looked thinner than the last time they met.  
  
“Ah, I heard your mother was married again?”  
  
Yamato smiled slightly. Even Ren could read the joyful on his smile. “Yeah. With her old friend in high school.”  
  
Ren nodded many times. “She must be happy now.”  
  
Yamato smiled again.  
  
 _Yeah. I’m sure she is. And she deserves it after all of the pain she could bear._  
  
“So …, are you moving out?”  
  
Yamato turned to him.  
  
“Or your mother’s husband moves in … to your house.”  
  
“We didn’t decide it yet. But they’re living in another town right now. His work. Until next year if I’m not mistaken.”  
  
“So you’re living alone?” _in that huge house?_  
  
“Nope. My brother moved back.”  
  
Ren nodded many times again. Then suddenly an idea popped up on his mind. “Hey, Kura said something about sleepover.”  
  
Yamato turned to him but said nothing.  
  
“I’d like to. But you know, my house is too small for all of us, Kura said that too, also Honjo. We didn’t ask Kamiya yet. But will you join us?”  
  
Yamato planted his cheek and nodded lightly. “Sure. Why not? When? And where?”  
  
“We still not decide it yet but let’s do it soon. Mmm, you’re living with your brother only, right? What about in your house?”  
  
Yamato kept silence for a while. He looked thinking. “I ... have to ask my brother first.”  
  
 _Okay! At least you don’t run away. At least you’re not avoiding me._  
  
Before Ren could ask him more, the others came together and blabbering about something concerned to Yamaguchi was walking together with a pretty young man. And Yamato could only gape at his place when he saw Ryu was the young man who came together with Yamaguchi. Ryu himself could only stare at him for a while before joined the commotion inside the shop.  
  
Ryu sat in front of him and observed him silently. Many times Yamato caught him was staring at him but asked nothing. He was just kept silent like they never met before. He stole glances many times to his wrist to make sure that he wouldn’t found any new wounds. And there wasn’t. Slightly he sighed. Yamato looked just fine. He didn’t even try to hide the scars too.  


  
~~~~  


“Are you sure there’s no new wound?”

Ryu turned to Shin who sat on the couch. He then just nodded. “And he looked comfortable too with everything around him. I don’t know if it was because he was surrounded with the people he recognized well, or he was in a very familiar place where he could get safety totally but …, he looked fine. He didn’t even look that he tried to hide something. He looked fresh and … open.”

Shin stayed silent for a while.

“How’s Yuichi?”

“He asked me about him that night.”

“Did you tell him?” Ryu went to the couch but sat on the floor in front of it.

“Nope. He should find it by himself. It had been three months they lived alone anyway.”

“Did he say he found something suspicious?”

“He did. Many times ago he found Yamato was talking by himself in front of the mirror. He didn’t hear him clearly but he caught something about being disappear.”

Ryu choked until he coughed badly. Shin tapped his back to soothe him.

“What?”

“He tried hard to stay close to him since that time but nothing happened until now.”

Ryu stunned in his place. He didn’t think that this would be that bad.

“Are you sure you saw him fine?”

“That’s what I saw. But you know Yamato. When it came to a secret, he was the best person to hide it. Remember when we broke the eggs in grandma’s kitchen? He saw us, right? But you can ask grandma if you don’t trust me, but I assure you that she is still has no idea who did it up until now.”

Shin looked at Ryu silently. He knew Ryu was right. Yamato was a cheerful back then when he was a little. But he was also a kid you can trust. If he’d been told that he should keep something as a secret, then he wouldn’t spill it even if you threaten him. And now, that kid was also keeping a very big secret, which he hid it deeply inside his heart, and looked like he didn’t have any intention to share it with anybody.

“Ah! Did you meet her?” Suddenly Ryu changed the topic.

Shin turned to him again and saw a very mischievous look at his cousin’s face. “No. I don’t want to meet her now.”

“She didn’t change, you know.”

“I still don’t want to see her now.”

“Are you sure? Don’t lie. I can see you missed her so much.”

Shin looked at him and saw him grinned widely.

“Shut up!”  



	15. The Safest Place

The long journey to the country side didn’t stop their feeling of happiness when they stepped down from the cab. The smelt of the green leaves, the voice of little insects which sounded continuously, the bright of the sunlight, the smelt of summer. They closed their eyes together and breathed hard, inhaled the fresh air until they could feel the coolness spread all over their bodies.  
  
They smiled each other before moved forward to the large opened gate and entered a very large beautiful park with a traditional big house stood proudly in the middle of it. The sound of a little waterfall welcomed them when they reached a little bridge which led them to the main door of the house.  
  
Yamato stopped for a while on the bridge and looked down to the little river beneath. He saw goldfishes swam around the river. He smiled slightly, remembering the times when he was always trying hard to catch them back then and earned laughter from his grandfather, and also the time when he cried all night long when he found one of them died.  
  
“Come on, they’ve waited for us to come in.”  
  
Yuichi nudged him on his side and Yamato followed him silently right away. He missed this place a lot. It felt thousand years since the last time he came here.  
  
“Aw, my babies are growing up.” The old woman welcomed them with a warm hug in front of the main door. “Eeeh, Yamato? You’re this tall? Aaah, I lost years of watching you growing up.”  
  
“I’m not a plant you should watch every day.”  
  
His grandmother could only laugh and gave him a hug one more time. She didn’t even release him and dragged him along the way to the living room where the grandfather had waited them.  
  
“Grandpa, looked! Our little Yamato grew up into a very handsome boy.”  
  
Yamato could only groan with his grandmother’s attitude. Yuichi also smiled widely. He knew this would happen when he decided to force Yamato to follow him here. He turned over and saw his cousins also smiled at the scene in front of them.  
  
“Why you looked so thin?” The old man in front of them stared at Yamato. “Don’t you eat properly?”  
  
“Please, guys. I’m not a child anymore so stop treating me like a baby.” Yamato hissed as the answer and grabbed his bag then turned away but stopped when his grandfather grabbed his wrist.  
  
“What’s this?” The old man stared straight to Yamato’s eyes.  
  
“It’s nothing. Just trace of contusions.”  
  
“Where did you get this? How?”  
  
Yamato looked at his grandfather straight to his eyes. “I forgot how. It’s just there since I remembered. Maybe I got it when I fought. I don’t know.” He shrugged off and released his hand from his grandfather’s grab. “If you think I tried to kill myself, you’re wrong. I never did, and hope will never do it,” with that he turned over and moved out the room.  
  
“Look what you just did.” The grandmother pouted at his husband and followed Yamato.  
  
The old man was only staring at the door where they left before turned to his other grandchildren.  
  
“Finally you realized that we’re here.” Shin said coldly before sat in front of the old man. Ryu and Yuichi followed him and made a fake disappointed look to their grandfather.  
  
“Heeey! Don’t make that face. It’s true that we missed him so much.”  
  
“So you don’t miss us?” Ryu looked at Shin. “Let’s go back to town.” He stood like wanted to leave.  
  
“Wait, wait, wait! Guys! Please. That’s not what I mean, okay.” The old man stood up abruptly from his seat and grabbed his hand to make him sit again.  
  
Ryu smiled mischievously and sat back to his previous place. The old man caught that smile and pouted.  
  
“You play a trick on me.” He hissed, loud enough to make them laughed hard at the end.  
  
Ryu laid down on the tatami and folded his hand under his head. “It’s been a really long time we’re not here together.”  
  
“Now you mention it. Usually it was only one of you who came here to visit. Yuichi is the one who often comes. May I know what brings you here? Altogether?”  
  
Shin pointed Yuichi with his chin. “He forced us to go here.”  
  
“Hei! I didn’t. I just asked you normally, not forced you.” Yuichi snapped right away. He didn’t want to be blamed for something he didn’t do. Actually, honestly, he would force them if they refused to come here few days ago. But luckily his cousins accepted his offer to visit their grandparents this weekend at his first try.  
  
“Alright, whatever the reason is, you’re here. That’s the most important part. Get Yamato here before your grandma hogs him for herself. I want to talk to him too.”  
  
Lazily they stood up and moved out the room. Along the way to their room, Shin exchanged look with Ryu, tried to not voice out his silent wish.  
  
_Let’s hope he won’t give Yamato questions which will make him uncomfortable._  
  
As he could hear Shin’s mind, Ryu nodded slightly before opened his room.  


  
~~~~  


The white clouds in the sky were looked just like the cottons which spread all over the blue wrapper. It was so clean, so wide, and so calming. The sound of birds chirping on trees around made him felt the peace of the place. The rustle of the wind gently wiped his face. He smiled and closed his eyes.

_I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here forever. There’s no one will harm me if I stay here. Not even a single ant dared to come close to me if I stay in this place. I will live happily and he wouldn’t dare to touch me ever again._

He felt his eyes became heavy and with the escorting of soothing music of the nature he fell into deep slumber.

When he opened his eyes few times later, the red sky on the west welcomed him. His body stiffened right away at the recognition of a strange place. But then he breathed heavily, relieved that he wasn’t at a strange place at all. He was at the small hill behind his grandparents’ house. He smiled slightly at himself.

_Stupid! What are you afraid of? You’re in the safest place in the world. Nobody will harm you here. No one will dare to touch you._

He breathed hard and looked up to the sky, watching the sun which was setting on the west. Its warmness wrapped him with incomparable comfort. The elongated shadows beneath the trees, reminded him his childhood. It was cheerful and full of happiness. He and his cousins always raced to reach the highest place they could just to see the sunset until it’s no longer visible. And when the sun was already set down, they would race again to reach the house and earned scolding from their grandmother for running down along the hill. _What if you fall and broke a part of your body? What if you fall into the river and nobody knows it?_ Were all she said all the time and they would just giggle as the answer.

He missed those days so much. The days where he could play all day without worrying anything. Life was so light and easy those times. And he wished he could turn back the time so he could fix everything from the very start.

“It’s still beautiful, isn’t it?”

He jolted and turned over so quickly until he felt dizzy attacked him hard. He closed his eyes tightly to reduce the dizzy after knowing that it’s just Shin who came over.

“Take it easy. It’s only us who know this place. No one else.”

Yamato didn’t give him any answer. He looked back to the red sky in front of him. He knew Shin was just trying to make him spill everything so he kept silence. He closed his mouth tightly and didn’t dare to open it even just for giving him short agreement.

Shin himself knew it’s useless to ask him straight away. He won’t budge even if you force to kill him. So he just sat down beside him and watched the sunset together until it really disappeared behind the mountains on the west.


	16. The Promise

Shin and Ryu could only stare each other in front of the door of a room.  
  
_Grandpa wants to meet you in the back living room._  
  
They couldn’t guess why the old man wanted to meet them when their grandmother told them few minutes ago. In silence they debated whether they should enter the room or just ran away from this house. After few exchanged look each other, hesitantly they opened the door.  
  
They could see their grandfather stared at them intently, observing their every move and nodded when they just stood by the door.  
  
They moved in and sat in front of the old man silently. They tried their best to not look nervous but they knew they failed. Ryu breathed hard while Shin was only looking away, avoiding his grandfather’s eyes.  
  
The old man amused with his grandchildren’s attitude, but tried hard not to even smile in front of them. He needed their answer of his curiosity since they arrived yesterday.  
  
“Alright. Is anyone of you want to tell me voluntarily?”  
  
Shin and Ryu were only looking at each other. They didn’t get what their grandfather mean.  
  
“What are you trying to cover of?”  
  
They suddenly felt defeated but no one dared to open their mouth. They kept silence until they could feel the eyes of the old man in front of them darted straight to their heart.  
  
“I don’t want to force you, okay. Just tell me. Honestly.”  
  
“There’s nothing important. We’re not trying to cover anything. We didn’t even know what you mean by your question.” Ryu finally tried to defend them. He knew it was useless but at least he tried.  
  
“I was a lawyer. A great one. You can lie to me but not your eyes. I can read clearly that you always try to cut me whenever I ask something to Yamato. What are you hiding of?”  
  
Shin and Ryu stole glances many times each other. They knew from the very start that this old man would find something. This old man would read them clearly.  
  
The old man sighed. “If you don’t want to tell me then I will do investigation on my own.”  
  
“I will tell you, so please, don’t ask him more.” Ryu snapped suddenly.  
  
The old man leaned to the back of the sofa and folded his arm. “Okay, I am listening.”  
  
Ryu took a breath heavily and looked at Shin before started his story. He told the old man every detail he knew, every evidences he found. Once the story moved on, he saw the wrinkles on his grandfather’s forehead deepened. His face hardened and he looked mad.  
  
“He was definitely abused.”  
  
Ryu nodded his head. He had already known that this old man in front of him would conclude right away even before he finished his story. He was a great lawyer and he must have faced with such situations long time ago. He would soon recognize it and there was no possibility for Yamato to hide something from him. The good side of it, he knew this old man would do something. He would find a way out for him, at least to reveal the one abused him.  
  
“Do you have any clue?”  
  
Again, Ryu was just shaking his head.  
  
“Someone close to him I believe.” Shin suddenly burst out his mind. He couldn’t hide it anymore. That thought was mingling in his head since the first time he saw bruises on Yamato’s body. “He tried hard to protect that people. He didn’t even spill any single name. No cry, and he tried to hold his pain so nobody would realize it. He closed his mouth tightly and always tried to avoid us.”  
  
Ryu nodded to assure him that Shin was telling the truth.  
  
The old man gritted his teeth. “Did Yuichi know?”  
  
“I don’t think so. He once heard Yamato talked to himself in front of the mirror. It was something about being disappear, but it was just that time. He didn’t do it anymore, or it’s just that Yuichi didn’t find him do it anymore.”  
  
“Why don’t you tell me earlier?”  
  
“That’s why we’re here. I knew you could make them tell you everything honestly.” Yuichi suddenly appeared from behind the door. “They’ve been hiding this from me for I don’t know how long.”  
  
Everyone in the room jolted and turned to him right away. The old man stared at him without blinking. “Were you eavesdropping?”  
  
Yuichi stunned in his placed when he saw his grandfather’s eyes darted on him. He knew he was wrong. He should join the conversation in a right way, not popped out suddenly in front of them and cut off their conversation like what he had just done. He gulped and bowed.  
  
“I’m sorry. I’m just ... they didn’t have any intention to tell me everything. They hide the truth from me while I’m dying of my curiosity. They didn’t budge even when I begged them. So I guess this is the only way they will reveal what they hid from me.”  
  
The old man sighed heavily. He looked at his grandchildren one by one. His eyes stopped at Yuichi.  
  
_He could make them to come here just to make them reveal the secrets they kept about Yamato. This one has the ability to manipulate others without their known. He could be a great lawyer if he wants. He just needs a little push to do it._  
  
He smiled slightly. “So, what do you want to know? They’re here. Ask them yourself.”  
  
Yuichi stood up quickly before turned to his cousins. He saw they glared at him but couldn’t back off. Not now. Not when he had a chance to know everything they hid.  
  
“I just want you to tell me about what the hell is happening to Yamato. I saw suspicious bruises all over his body lately and even I was never been in a fight before I knew for sure that those bruises were not coming from any fight. Where were those coming from? I knew you’re hiding something because you’re too worried about him lately. If you said that he was abused, who did it? If you could say it was someone close to him then I believe that you have one or two names because you were watching him closely lately. Don’t hide it from me anymore, please.”  
  
Shin looked away, slightly feeling defeated by his cousin who could persuade him to come to his grandfather’s house. He didn’t see this coming. He thought this was just another sleepover like the last time they did years ago. He never thought that his calm cousin could drag him here just to make him reveal what he wanted to know. He never saw this coming.  
  
“He always said _I’m sorry_ for everything lately. And if you think I’m that dense, you’re totally wrong. Three months is so long. And it’s enough for me to know that something not right is going on. Almost every night you called me just to ask if he was home or not. I knew you’re hiding something. Please, tell me what it is”  
  
Shin and Ryu were still sat silence in their place. There was no signs of them will say anything to him.  
  
The old man could only stare at his grandchildren silently. He looked didn’t want to interfere on their conversation. He was just sat in his place and analyzed everything silently.  
  
_Come on, say something more. A little bit more. They are on the verge of confessing now. Persuade them more. Don’t give up._  
  
“He was really down until I don’t know how far the damage had been made. But I knew that if we stick together we would find a way to pull him up. To bring him back to his own self. He was too calm lately. It’s better for me to see him fighting for nothing everyday than seeing him stay calm in his place like that. It likes ... I feel like ... it likes it’s the calm session before the storm coming to attack. I can’t see him like this forever.”  
  
“I don’t have any name. When we try to do investigation, he didn’t go anywhere aside of home and school. He didn’t even get any new bruise. No new wound either so I guess it was over.” Finally Shin opened up after sighed heavily. No need to hide it anymore. He agreed with his cousin that if they stick together probably they would able to do something to save him.  
  
“Until the last time he didn’t even spill anything to me. I forced him but he didn’t budge.” Ryu looked at Yuichi. “He kept it tightly. He always said that he was fine every time I asked him.” He saw a disappointment crept out on his face.  
  
Yuichi lowered his head. “He was always avoiding me. Every time I started a conversation he always answered me with a very short word and then disappeared to his room. Once I tried to corner him he pushed me hard until I fell down. I thought he was mad at me but then he pushed me every time I touched him, even just for caressing him. I just want him to know that I was there. I’m there for him and will never leave him again. I just want to tell him that he is not alone. But he always shrugged me off. Then one day I realized that he doesn’t want to be touched.”  
  
They fell into silence for few moments. The old man finally sighed.  
  
“Okay. I guess we have the case now. Yoshiko is living with her husband in another town now so there will be only Yamato and Yuichi in the house. And don’t you dare to call her now. It will be only as our secret. You two, move to their house and make sure that nothing will happen again.”  
  
Shin and Ryu could only nod to their grandfather. This old man could be scary if he wanted. Aside of that, they knew this old man was the experienced one. The one who could think clearly even in an urgent situation. The one they could lean on.  
  
“Call me if you find any suspicious thing. Anything. Don’t wait until it’s getting worse.”  
  
Yuichi looked at him thankfully. He felt safe. He felt relieved. He was always felt blind when it came to Yamato. But now he wouldn’t be alone. He saw them and smiled. “Thank you.”  
  
“We still have to stay cautious so save those words for later. We still don’t have any clue about the suspect. You still have to watch him carefully, because I believe that this isn’t over yet.”  
  
The three young men stiffened when they heard the words.  
  
_This isn’t over yet._  
  
They looked at the old man intently, tried to absorb the new information. The fact that he was right stung their heart. Their hope that everything will be okay now sank down completely.  
  
“Don’t look at me like that. I’m just talking about the fact, boys. If you ask me am I worried? Yes, I am. Whoever he is, whatever he did, he is still my grandchild. My favorite grandchild if you still remember. That’s why I want you to protect him with all you might. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I do love you as much as I love him.” The old man stopped for a while, waiting for the words to sink down to their mind. “For me you are just like parts of a body. One part got hurt the other will feel it. One of you got hurt you will feel the wound automatically.”  
  
The boys nodded slightly many times. They agreed with him. They could still remember clearly when they saw the wounds on Yamato’s body. It hurt them too.  
  
“So stick together no matter what and stay alert. I want this to be stopped soon. Find any help you can get to monitor his move. Do you understand?”  
  
The boys nodded together. They stared each other with no words. Silent promise had been made. A promise to always stay together. A promise to protect the youngest from any harm. A promise to live this life happily together.  



	17. Getting Up

He was kind of missed it when the sound of murmurs in the distance came. It was like the voice of a bunch of bees flying over between the trees on the hill behind his grandparents’ house. It was getting louder after sometimes. The weird thing was, there were sounds of honk on and on between it.  
  
 _What was that?_  
  
He focused his mind on the sound and didn’t get it for a while until he almost fell on a deep slumber again. It was like a lullaby in his ears and he was enjoying it a lot. When suddenly he realized it, it’s not the sound of the bees. It was just the voice of cars passing by down town. The busy street of the town was welcomed him again.  
  
He opened his eyes and met with the bright morning sun shine in to the room throughout the not fully closed curtains. It was kind of smiled at him, asked him to wake up and faced the day with a bright smile and new spirit. The spirit of life. He forgot it for who knows how long. He closed his eyes again before opened it and took a glance to the wall.  
  
Seven a.m.  
  
 _Okay, it’s too early to wake up. And I’m in my own room. Again._  
  
He closed his eyes again when a knock on the door bothered him.  
  
“Yamato, breakfast’s ready, and you have a class at nine today.”  
  
 _Fine. Another boring day is coming. Why can’t I just take today as a day off and sleep all day? We just came back from the country side few hours ago and I need more sleep. Didn’t he feel tired? What made him got up and too worked up this early morning?_  
  
He still felt tired and didn’t want to move from his bed. It was too comfortable and he was too lazy to step his foot outside the house.  
  
“Yamato, you’d better get up now before Ryu break in to your room and drag you to the dining table.”  
  
 _And why is he so noisy this morning? He never woke me up before. Why should Ryu … Ryu!_  
  
Suddenly Yamato got up from his bed and step out of the room. Yuichi welcomed him with a very wide smile, almost dazzling him, which honestly he missed so much.  
  
“Come on, they’ve been waiting for you. Shin made African breakfast which I believe you will like it a lot.” Yuichi pushed him by his back to the kitchen.  
  
“What are they doing here this early morning?” He mumbled along the way to the kitchen.  
  
“It’s not early anymore. The sun is already shining brightly outside so get your ass out of your bed and let’s have breakfast together. A good start will make your day better than ever.”  
  
Yamato rolled his eyes hearing his brother’s blabbering about the philosophy. Inside his heart he smiled though. He missed it a lot. The brother of him which always encouraged him every day, giving him support with all his might, and always being there for him when he was down. He was the best brother he had ever had.  
  
“Morning … “  
  
He stopped by the door. He really saw Shin and Ryu sat on side by side in the dining table.  
  
“What are you doing here this early morning?”  
  
“We’re living here starting from today.” Shin answered him flatly. There’s no tone in his words.  
  
“What?”  
  
“This house is too big for you two. And my apartment is too small for both of us, so we’re moving here. Don’t worry, we will leave when Aunt Yoshiko comes back.”  
  
Yamato looked away. A part of his heart felt happy with their moving but was also suddenly worried.  
  
 _Did they find something about me? If so, how far they know? Did they tell grandpa about it?_  
  
It was too peace lately. He felt uneasy with this calm situation. He was enjoying the peace up until today but deep down his heart he still felt afraid that this was just another break before another unexpected encounter. He was still afraid that one day he would cross-path with his father somewhere and he would take him again. He was not ready to face another torture now. Not when he had decided and tried to build up his courage to face the future again. Not when he tried to open up his heart to his surrounding again. Not when he just got his brother back to him again. Not when everything was started to move to the right direction.  
  
Suddenly he turned over and walked back to his room, not minding that Yuichi followed him along the way and wailed him to come back to the dining room. Yamato didn’t even listen to him. He entered the bathroom and locked it. He sighed heavily in front of the mirror, looking at his shadow which only staring back at him too. His mind was full of his own thought. It was so hard to avoid Yuichi to not ask him when he came back with bruises all over his body. Now he had to face two other persons in his house. It didn’t mean that he hate them. No, it’s definitely not that. He was happy with their presence, but it shouldn’t be now. Not in this house where they would live everyday with him.  
  
What if they found out about what had happened to him? What should he say if they asked him where he got all the bruises? They found him once before and he could avoid their interrogating but he was not sure that he could do it again. Not when they lived together in one roof.  
  
He looked straight to his eyes in the mirror.  
  
 _If, I got another bruises._  
  
 _Nothing will happen if I stay safe._  
  
 _They won’t find anything suspicious on me if everything goes smooth like the last days._  
  
Yamato closed his eyes and prayed silently that these peaceful days would stay forever and never left him.  
  
He sighed before opened the faucet and washed his face. The cool water was felt like a slap on his face, as reminded him that he was too much thinking. He was stunned for a while before taking the water and washed his face once again. The coolness of the water calmed him down somehow. He felt it reached his brain and made it work slower than before.  
  
 _Okay. Everything will be alright. I shouldn’t be worried with something doesn’t even happened yet. Everything will be definitely alright._  
  
 _Calm down._  
  
 _They will shower me with those questions I want to avoid forever if I look nervous. I have to calm down._  
  
 _Okay, breath in, takes it out slowly._  
  
 _Right._  
  
 _I’m fine._  
  
 _Nothing will happen._  
  
He slapped his own cheeks before finally decided to come out of the bathroom just to meet Yuichi welcomed him with a worried face.  
  
“What took you so long in there?”  
  
Yamato turned to him and stared at him for a while. “What do you think you’re doing when you’re in the bathroom?”  
  
Yuichi looked back at him blankly. He suddenly realized that he was just asking a stupid question. “Sorry. I’ll wait for you in the dining table and I suggest you’d better go down there …, fast.”  
  
With that he left Yamato in his room.  
  
 _Stupid! Why should I ask that question? Isn’t it obvious that he did his own private business in that bathroom? Stupid Yuichi! Think first before you say something._  
  
He sighed heavily before filling his glass with juice.  
  
“You looked troubled. Something happened?” Ryu asked him after a moment of silent.  
  
Yuichi looked at him and shook his head. “No. It’s nothing.”  
  
“But you don’t looked like it’s nothing happened.”  
  
Yuichi smiled at him. “I told you it’s nothing.”  
  
“Did you just ask him stupid question?”  
  
Yuichi stunned then looked at Shin who grinned at him mischievously. “Shut up!”  
  
Ryu could only smile widely with his cousin’s stupidity. He was a smart but sometimes, unconsciously, he asked stupid questions without thinking about the result of his questions. It happened many times, a lot of times, before. “He did it again~”  
  
“I told you to shut up. I didn’t ask him stupid question. I just asked him what took him so long inside the bathroom.”  
  
Shin and Ryu stared each other and suddenly chuckled together.  
  
“That’s what I mean about stupid question. Isn’t it obvious about what someone’s doing in the bathroom? No matter how long you take your time, there’re only few things you can do inside the bathroom.” Shin explained him about his question before.  
  
“I knew it, so shut up. Just leave it and forget it, okay? I didn’t mean to ask him that question. It’s just … slipped out of my mouth. So just …, forget it.”  
  
Shin knew. Ryu knew too, why Yuichi suddenly burst out the question. He was just too worried with his brother. He was once heard him talking to himself, something about being disappear, so they knew that maybe he thought he was doing something suspicious inside that room. He was just afraid that he would do something stupid, something he would regret. Something he didn’t even want to think in the first place. Something they didn’t want to think in the first place.  
  
Yamato entered the dining room few minutes later and sat silently. He didn’t say anything while eating his breakfast, didn’t even take a glance to the other. Shin and Ryu were also just staring at him, tried to find another rejection but found nothing. There’s no expression on his face. He looked enjoyed the food and looked forgotten at all that they were there. It made Yuichi sighed heavily.  
  
“Can you at least say hello?”  
  
Yamato looked at them and just nodded his head as a greeting.  
  
“Yamato … “  
  
“You always say that we shouldn’t talk while eating. Why you’re so noisy this morning?”  
  
Yuichi silenced instantly. He couldn’t say anything because he knew that his little brother was right. He always scolded him when he tried to ask something while having their meal long before.  
  
Shin and Ryu stared at each other, amused with the slight quarrel of the brothers in front of them. It felt so peaceful somehow, hearing the plain quarrel of a sibling in the morning. They felt like this was how a home should be.  
  
Shin furrowed his eyebrows when Yamato finished his breakfast and walked back to his room. “You have class at nine, don’t you?”  
  
“I’m skipping today. I want to sleep all day and I don’t want to be bothered even for lunch. See you.”  
  
And Yamato just walked away to the second floor, leaving them staring each other without words.  
  
“Actually I planned to skip too today.” Shin said finally after a while.  
  
“Me too~” Yuichi raised his hand.  
  
Ryu could only stare at them, disbelief of what he had heard. “What? Am I the only one who will go outside today? That’s not fair. Come on! You can’t skip together like that?”  
  
“Good luck~”  
  
Ryu gaped for a moment. He then grabbed his bag and stood up. “Fine. I’m leaving then.” Slightly pouting he walked outside the house.  
  
Ryu looked up to the sky to meet the very bright light of the sun. He sighed heavily. He wanted to skip too today but imagining how mad Yankumi could be, he decided to start to walk.  
  
It was right after they took their lunch when the elder saw Yamato hurriedly walked down the stairs. He almost ran to the front door.  
  
“Where are you going? You said you want to sleep all day.” Yuichi yelled from the kitchen.  
  
“Ren’s got trouble,” and Yamato disappeared with a loud bang on the door.  
  
Yuichi and Shin could only stare each other.  
  
“Who’s Ren?” Shin asked him flatly.  
  
“A …, friend of him? I don’t know.”  
  
Shin stared at him for a moment before fishing his pocket to reach his phone.  


  
~~~~  


_Pick it up, please, pick it up._

He prayed non-stop on the way to the place the other had waited for him, but the person he called didn’t pick the phone. It always ended with a busy tone. He groaned before deciding to give up. He ran along the street, sometimes stopped just to see that probably the person he’s been looking for was in those places but didn’t find any sign of him.

_Stupid. If I could find him that easy, the police would find him first._

“Yamato!”

The familiar voice called him. He turned over and found Kuraki ran over to him.

“Any sign of him?”

He shook his head. “Where’re the other?”

“They went to Akadou.”

“Hah?”

“Do you think Yankumi would stay back after she heard about this? I don’t think so.”

Yamato rolled his eyes.

_That noisy teacher. Doesn’t she have her own business? Why should she meddle with others all the time? Doesn’t it enough for her to have Reita and his gang on her hand now?_

“Come on.”

He followed Kuraki anyway, and he was right. They met her on the way and together they searched for Ren all over the town. They tried to find him on places he might visit but no sign of him. It was dark already when Ryu called them that he found Ren in the school. After a little debate Yankumi forced him to stay over her place for the night which followed right away with the others.

It was too silent that night when Yamato opened his eyes. His body stiffened for the recognition of a new place. He stared the ceiling for a while. Hesitantly he turned to his side and faced with the familiar face, the face of Honjo, his best friend. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily in silent. He got up from the futon and slowly, tried to not make any noise, he walked out the room. He sat down by the terrace, lazily looked at a little park in front of him. He looked up to the sky, tried to dive its darkness.

_Tomorrow, when the morning came, this darkness would fade away. It will change with the blue color. It will change into a really bright blue which make it look so high and wide. It was always like that. And will always like that. The morning will always come to erase the darkness of the night._

_I can’t give up. I have to fight no matter what. Nobody will save me if I surrender now. Nobody can help me if I don’t have a will to reach their hand. I have to fight. Even if I pushed down again, I have to get up by myself. Just like the sky. It’s really dark at night, but tomorrow, when the sun rose and shone his light, it will totally bright and beautiful._   



	18. Choose

It was late at night when Ryu opened the door and welcomed by the worried face of his cousins.  
  
“What?” It was the only question coming out from his mouth. He didn’t remember that he did something wrong but their expression told him that something wrong was going on.  
  
“Yamato didn’t come home yet and we can’t reach his phone. It’s always in busy tone all day.” Yuichi stood up from the couch and started to walk around the room again, like he did for the rest of the night tonight.  
  
_Shit! I forgot to tell them. No wonder they couldn’t sleep at all._  
  
He sighed slightly. “He is in Yankumi’s house. With the others.”  
  
Yuichi stopped walking. He walked over to Ryu. “Who’s Yankumi? I don’t know that there is a person with that kind of name. Isn’t it a weird name?”  
  
“His former teacher, and my supervisor, and trust me, it’s not just her name. The person who has that name is also a weird.”  
  
“You should’ve called us.” Shin closed his eyes and sighed slightly, feeling relieved with the good news. Yankumi’s house meant the safest place in the world.  
  
“Sorry. I was totally forgotten. One of them got trouble. It’s something about drug selling. They didn’t believe it. Yankumi didn’t believe it too. So, I guess you know what happened next.”  
  
_She will try hard to prove that he is clean, of course._  
  
Shin shook his head in disbelief.  
  
_She doesn’t change at all._  
  
He stood up and walked away. “So, case closed then. He is in the safest place in the world so I guess it will be a waste if we stay worried all night.”  
  
“Are you sure he is safe?” Yuichi turned to him.  
  
“Trust me.” Shin nodded before walking to the stairs. “No one with malicious purposes could enter that house. Even if they could, they won’t go out alive.”  
  
Ryu tapped his back before followed Shin to the second floor. He felt sorry for not calling them that he knew where Yamato was, but once again, the fact that he knew Yamato was staying the night in the safest place in the world, was more than enough for him to forgive himself from not calling his cousins. He sighed heavily and laid down the bed, drifted to a deep slumber before he realized it.  
  
When he opened his eyes lazily few times later, he faced with the sun which shining too brightly this morning. He took a glance to the clock on the wall and groaned when he saw it was already seven a.m.  
  
_Why don’t you move slower today?_  
  
He reached his phone and opened it.  
  
No call.  
  
No message.  
  
Ryu closed it again when something clicked on his mind. He dialed a number and waited for a while.  
  
_“Yeah?”_  
  
“Don’t do anything stupid and stay at that house until we can do something to clean your friend.”  
  
No answer. Ryu got up and sat on his bed.  
  
“Yamato, where are you? Don’t lie.”  
  
Silence for a moment.  
_“We’re on the way to the building.”_  
  
“What building? Where?”  
  
_“We’re going to find proves that Ren is clean. There must be something in their building. Something that could safe Ren.”_  
  
“Stupid! Go back to Yankumi’s house!”  
  
_“Sorry. I can’t.”_  
  
And it cut off. Ryu groaned once again. He got up right away, grabbed his jacket and almost ran to the front door.  
  
_That stupid boy and his friends! Why don’t they let the adults solve their problem?_  
  
Without thinking he rode his motorcycle to Yankumi’s house. Why her house? He didn’t even know. His mind just told him that she wouldn’t stay silent when she found out that the boys were missing under her nose. She would go to the same building where Yamato and his friends were. So he was. So why didn’t he pick her up and went there together, right? It would be faster than he went there first and waited for her to reach the building.  
  
And Ryu was totally right. He was just turning around his motorcycle when Yankumi suddenly ran out from the house, and gladly she obeyed to ride with him and didn’t cast him out.  
  
It was a really big building, with a very tight security system. They even had to assimilate themselves to be able to enter the building. It took them for a while to finally found where the boys went. They found them in the basement and Ryu almost fainted when he saw a gun pointed out to the boys. His heart beat raised so sudden until he felt his knees weakened and he almost ran to save them when Yankumi held his hand and forced him to calm down. And once again she was right. Everything moved smoothly when they thought everything in calm. They easily managed to knock down the armed men and the boys survived without any scratch.  
  
“Stay back and don’t do anything useless.” He hissed at Yamato when Yankumi left them alone in the basement.  
  
As he expected, Yamato was just looking at him in silent and ignored him. He held his hand when Yamato turned to help his friends to tie the bad guys.  
  
“I can’t leave them, okay.” Yamato hissed back at him and shrugged off his hand from Ryu’s hold.  
  
Ryu could only sigh. He was totally right. He couldn’t leave them after all. He just stared at them in silent when something flashed on his mind.  
  
“Guys, I have an idea.”  
  
Everybody turned to see him. They stared each other, didn’t have any intention to voice out their questions. They had to always low down their voice if they wanted to stay saved. They still remembered how it felt when the gun pointed out to them before and a little bit loud voice would lure the other bad guys to come to check the basement.  
  
“Wait here.”  
  
Ryu walked away and went back together with someone.  
  
“Guys, this is Tsuciya, a friend of mine, and he worked as a cameramen assistant.”  
  
They bowed at him in silent.  
  
“You will broadcast this?” Yamato asked him after a little thinking.  
  
Tsuciya smiled slightly and nodded.  
  
_You don’t look like a stupid like us. And even if you colored your hair you still don’t even look like a delinquent at all. Why you were in Yankumi’s class?_  
  
A tap on his shoulder stopped his train of thought. Tsuciya turned over to find Ryu nodded at him and asked him to follow. He gasped slightly when he saw drugs stacked in front of his eyes. He smiled ear to ear, made the others chuckled at him.  
  
“Say hello to my bonus.”  
  
Ryu smiled slightly with his friends words. “Just work on it and prepare to receive your extra bonus after this done.”  
  
“Yes, sir!”  


  
~~~~  


Lazily, Yamato opened the front door just to be welcomed with his brother’s stiffened face.

“I saw you on the news. What were you doing in that dangerous place? They have gun! Did they do something to you?”

Yamato was taken aback with his brother’s sudden wrath. He blinked many times before walked away from him without answering his question.

“Yamato, I am asking you!”

There’s still no answer. Yamato just walked away upstairs silently.

“I can explain.” Ryu said calmly to him before walked to the kitchen.

“Oh yeah, you sure have to do it! And also the wound on your face. Gosh, Ryu! You’re not in the age where you have to fight over something with your friend. And you’re going to be a teacher soon. Do you think it’s appropriate to fight when you decided to become a teacher? What will you teach your student then?” Yuichi gasped at the sudden thought on his mind. “Do you get any other wound? Tell me where it is. We should do something with it before it got infected”

Ryu stood in front of him right away to stop him. “Would you shut up?” He hissed, trying to not shouting at him. “My head ached hearing you talk nonstop like that. I guess Yamato’s right that you’re so noisy lately.”

Yuichi sighed heavily. “I’m worried, okay. We didn’t even have any clue about the person who bullied Yamato, if he was really bullied. Or abused as grandpa told us, and now you came home with bruises all over your face.”

“Don’t talk about him in this house or else he will hear it. Not when he is around. He tried to hide it so we should let him be. He will break down and nobody can pull him up if he knows that we knew his secret he tried hard to hide.”

Yuichi gasped and turned around to the stairs just to find it empty. “You surprised me. I thought he was there”

“He will be there if you talk louder than now.”

“Sorry.”

Little did they know that Yamato stunned behind the wall. He suddenly felt thirsty and was about to go to the kitchen and took a bottle of water when he heard his name mentioned. He blinked many times to suppress his tears.

_Oh my God. They knew it._

He turned over and walked back to his room. He closed his door very carefully, tried hard to not make any sound and fell down to the floor. He hugged his knees and hid his face on it. His tears fell down uncontrollably.

_What should I do? Oh my God, what should I do?_  


  
~~~~  


Morning came again in no time. Hesitantly he walked down the stairs. He was about to just walked away to the front door when a hand suddenly grabbed him and pulled him to the kitchen.

“I won’t let you go without taking a breakfast.”

Yamato gritted his teeth, tried hard to not fall down in front of the others who stared at him silently. Their eyes felt darted to him but he tried to ignore it. He sat down and digging his food right away. Not more than five minutes, he got up fast and grabbed his bag.

“Why don’t you stay at home today? You looked really unwell.” Yuichi reached his arm and held him.

Yamato shrugged it off without words and walked away.

Shin saw it. Ryu saw it too. He tried hard to suppress his feeling. They saw him gritted his teeth. They stared each other and Ryu suddenly got up and followed him.

“Is it hard to say something to us?”

Yamato turned to his right and found Ryu stood there.

“Don’t follow me.”

Ryu chuckled. “You do know that this is my only way to Akadou.”

Yamato stared at him silently then looked away. He moved forward when the traffic lamp turned blue, tried to walk as fast as he could.

“You don’t have to run away from me. I won’t ask you anything like the last time because I know you won’t answer me.”

“I don’t run away. I just don’t want to be late.”

Ryu just smiled slightly. He tried to keep up with him in the very crowded street. He almost bumped to Yamato’s back when he stopped abruptly.

“What’s up?”

Yamato didn’t give him any answer. He was just gulped and continued walking silently.

Something clicked in Ryu’s mind and he looked around right away, tried to figure out the reason why Yamato stopped so sudden. He tried to find a face, but he saw no one. Everyone was stranger. And when he was sure that he didn’t find any familiar face around, he soon tried to catch Yamato up. Even from behind he could see Yamato’s body was stiffened. He walked too fast, like really wanted to get out of this crowd. Ryu couldn’t leave him in this kind of state so he ignored his turn and followed Yamato until he reached his school.

“What are you doing here?”

He was stuttering, slightly, but Ryu could hear it clearly. He tried to hide his hand on his pocket but he saw it was trembling. He looked at him straight to his eyes, and received another rejection. He avoided him by looked away.

“Mmm, I …, guess …, I missed my turn. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Stop asking me that question. You’d better go now or you will get scold.”

Yamato turned over and walked in to the building right after said it.

Ryu hesitantly turned over and walked back silently. He reached his phone and waited for a moment before hearing a wise voice received his call.

“He saw someone. I didn’t know who but he saw someone few minutes ago.”

_“Where is he?”_

“He was just entering his school. What do you think I should do?”

_“Keep in touch with him. I’m going there.”_

And the phone cut off. Ryu watched the building once again before hesitantly walked away to Akadou.

For Yamato himself, time moved slower than usual. He couldn’t concentrate on everything his lecturer said today. Everything moved like slow motions around him until he couldn’t understand what they’re talking about. He was just smile when his lecturer or one of his classmates said something to him. His mind didn’t work correctly.

And now, he stood awkwardly in front of the elevator. His class was over few minutes ago and he really wanted to go home rightaway. The feeling of uneasiness filled up his heart since he stepped in to the building this morning. And he didn’t like it. But the elevator took its time to move. It was like mocking him and moved slower than it should be.

_Come on! What take it so long?_

And when it opened in front of him, he walked in right away. He sighed heavily when its door closed, feeling the safety covered him fully.

“I saw you on TV yesterday. How it feels to become the center of attention?”

He jolted and turned over to see his father smiled at him. His heart stopped beating for a while before beat fast so sudden until he felt it could explode anytime.

_Don’t be afraid. Everything will be just fine._

“We just want to save our friend.”

Tatsuo smiled. “And what was that for? Do you get anything from him?”

Yamato glared at him. The feeling of annoying of his father suddenly came back inside him. He had forgotten that feeling for a while but it suddenly came back and filling his heart until he felt sick.

“I’m not you. I won’t ask anything for helping my own friend.”

Tatsuo reached for Yamato’s chin.

“There’s nothing free in this world, young man. You should always pay for everything you get and you’ll get for everything you pay.”

“Now I wonder. Do you have any friend in this life actually?”

The older was taken aback with his son’s question. He didn’t see it coming. But then he smirked at him.

“So, now you want to meet my friends? Fine. Anytime you want.”

“I don’t want to meet people like you more than you are. I’m sick of seeing you and I really don’t want to meet other persons like you.”

Tatsuo grabbed his collar. “Watch your mouth, young man. I don’t care how you feel about me but you have to remember that you still have a business with me. If you think you can run away from me, you’re wrong.”

“Try me.”

“Then choose.”

Yamato shrugged himself off from Tatsuo’s grab.

“What?”

“Your freedom or your mother’s happiness?”

Yamato stunned for a while. He wanted to stop this. He was tired of it. But it was only for a while he saw his mother smiled again in happiness. He didn’t want to lose it. It worth everything in his life.

“You can’t do that to me? You can’t harm her? He was your wife?”

“She was, Yamato. Not again. And I assure you that I could do anything to break that smile again.”

Yamato gulped. His shoulder slumped.

“Please.”

“You broke our family apart, don’t you remember. Just use your brain to analyze that. How could that cruel reach happiness while there is a family broken apart because of him? No way. He doesn’t deserve it, does he? What do you think of it Yamato? You are a smart so far I know. I don’t know why you hide it from your stupid friends?”

“Just let me go, please. And don’t touch mom at the same time, would you?”

Tatsuo smirked at him. “You can’t get everything you want in this life, Yamato. Choose. That’s what you have to do to keep you alive.”

Yamato gulped once again. He wanted to just run away from all of this and forgot everything. He wanted to be free to live this life, but the picture of his mother’s smile was dancing in his mind. He couldn’t lose it now, after all of the pain she got. It was him after all that caused her pain. So why shouldn’t he pay for it? He broke the family she tried to hold very hard. He was a cruel if he ran away now.

Yamato looked at his father silently, but it’s enough for the man to get what he wanted to say. He smiled and ruffled his hair.   


“Good boy. Let’s have fun~”  



	19. A Very Dark Night

Everyone smiled at him when he bowed his head to greet them for the last time. The words of encouragement showered him altogether, made him smile sheepishly at the elders. He was about to say something when his phone rang.  
  
“Ah! It rang all the time since many times ago.” Ayukawa gasped and said right away to him. “Maybe it’s important.”  
  
Ryu looked at her before fishing his bag and took his phone. His eyes slightly widened when he saw Yamato’s name flashed on it. The boy never called him before, even in an urgent situation, but he just did, and the rings stopped when he was about to pick it up. His heart stopped beating when he saw the signs that Yamato was trying to call him many times. It said twelve called that he missed.  
  
“Excuse me. I have to go.”  
  
He didn’t even wait for their reply. He turned over right away and ran out of the school. He called Yuichi just to get the busy tones all the time.  
  
“Is Yamato home?” was his only question when Shin answered his call.  
  
 _“What happened?”_  
  
“He tried to call me many times. I missed his twelve times call and his phone is out of the area now.”  
  
 _“Find him.”_  
  
The cut off before he could ask further. With panting he looked around. He couldn’t find any familiar face. Whether it’s too dark for him because the night had already came or because of the street was too crowd for him to recognize the people, he didn’t know. He couldn’t find the face he deadly wanted to see. He was desperately running through the corridor in Yamato’s school but found no signs of him. Everybody shook their head when he asked them. Shouldn’t he be here today? He saw him went into the building by his own eyes this morning, so why everybody shook their head and didn’t see him? It was weird. It’s too weird. He couldn’t be just disappeared like smoke, could he? And he believed that everybody could see him clearly as a creature called a human being and he wasn’t even invisible. Somebody must see him around.  
  
As time went by his heartbeat rose until he felt it would explode anytime. His fear rose to the level where he wanted to grab anybody on the street, to ask them where he could find Yamato, or more likely, forced them to tell him where he could find his cousin. More time meant more chances of him got severe injuries. More time meant more less chances he got to save him. As night covered with the darkness his mind covered with thought that he was too late. He closed his eyes tightly, tried to calm his heartbeat, tried to think clearly, but nothing came in his mind. He couldn’t even guess where he could find Yamato. He went to all the places where he had seen Yamato before, even places where he saw him just passing by, but he still didn’t find any single clue of him. He didn’t even get any clue about his whereabouts. Nobody had seen him today.  
  
 _Oh my God. Please, keep him safe._  
  
He just wanted to see his face, safely, and without any sign of new wounds.  
  
Meanwhile, in another side of the town, Shin found him wounded badly. Even in the dim light of the park he could still see traces of blood that flowed from the corner of his mouth. Blue bruises clearly visible on his parts of uncovered body. Shin reached out his hand and touched him, tried to be careful as he could.  
  
“No..., please ....” Yamato whispered weakly. He didn’t have any power left. His sight blurred. His body felt too heavy until he even couldn’t lift his finger. It was almost numb. Vaguely, he could see some people surrounded him. The feeling of unsecured crawled to his heart right away and he couldn’t handle the feeling anymore. Tears fell down from the corner of his swollen eyes. He curled his body more than before, the only defend he could do to protect himself.  
  
“Please ..., no ...” He said weakly. He wanted to get up and ran away from these people but his body couldn’t move even an inch. He could only beg then he would beg so these people wouldn’t touch him again.  
  
“Yamato, it’s me. It’s Shin. It’s okay. You’re with me now. Everything will be okay.”  
  
Shin grabbed and embraced him into his arms, tried to give him warmth with the hope that Yamato would feel comfortable. He hugged him tightly, hoped that Yamato would share his pain to him so he wouldn’t suffered too much anymore.  
  
“You’re with me now. It’s okay. You’re safe.”  
  
He whispered softly in his ears, relieved as Yamato started to look comfortable in his embrace. His tensed body felt relaxed bit by bit as time went by, and the tears stopped flowing.  
  
Noda put off his jacket and covered Yamato with it. Nobody talked. They didn’t dare to ask. Most likely they didn’t have heart to ask. They could see clearly that Shin was desperately trying to resist his tears when he tried to soothe the fragile figure in his arms. He just looked at Minami and Uchiyama back and forth, forced them silently to do something.  
  
“Shin, we need to take him to the hospital.”  
  
At last Uchiyama told him softly.  
  
“Bring him to my car. I’ll take you there. It’s better than calling an ambulance.”  
  
Shin didn’t answer but then slowly, with the help of his friends, and trying not to hurt Yamato, he lifted him to the car. Along the way to the hospital Shin hugged him tightly. Many times he calmed the younger who moaned weakly in pain.  


~~~~

The atmosphere in the corridor was eerie, but no one tried to break it. Shin stood up in front of the glass door, watching the nurses and the doctor took care of Yamato. He stared at them as if he blinked even just for once they would make a mistake which lead to him losing Yamato. His fingers clenched hard until his knuckles turned white. He greeted his teeth hard to suppress his anger which started crawling in his heart. How could somebody hurt someone that bad? His mind kept telling him that this wasn’t a human being who did it.

He almost jolted when the door of the room opened and the doctor walked out.

“Who’s the family?”

Shin raised his hand right away.

“We have to inform you the result of our first diagnosis. He ...”

“Don’t!” Shin snapped at the doctor quickly, made him stop right away. “I knew what had happened. Just tell me what to do.”

The doctor clearly could read the suppress anger inside him so he decided to not continue the report.

“We have rib fractures here, in six different places. We have to do the surgery because we afraid that some of the fractures will clog his respiratory system. And there are some deep cuts until it reached his inner flesh, deeply. We will also do the CT scan to observe his head. I hope there’s nothing wrong but we found some cuts on it, and they were still bleeding when he arrived here, so pray for him, please. We found also …, “ He gulped. He stared at Shin who stiffened. “… some deep cuts …, on his …”

“Please.” Almost in whisper Shin cut off his words, but it was enough for him to stop right away.

_Not here. Not in front of my friends. I don’t care if they knew what had happened to him, just don’t say it. I’m not sure that I could handle myself anymore if you say it._

“I know what you’re going to say, so please just tell me what to do to save him.”

The doctor looked at him for a while. The pleading in Shin’s eyes was the biggest reason he stopped talking about his diagnosis. He knew too well that this person was trying hard to handle his emotion. He saw some people did it in the same cases he got lately. And if he forced himself to keep talking about the result of his first diagnosis, this person would break and he didn’t even want to guess what this young man could do. He sighed slightly.

“The last cuts I wanted to tell you, just now, may cause severe mental breakdown, that’s the worst probability we can tell you. You know what I mean, right? Let’s hope he can get through the worst stage, it’s the realization of the bad experience, smoothly.”

Shin nodded weakly. He didn’t want to tell the doctor that Yamato would probably fully aware about what had happened to him, but he wasn’t sure about Yamato’s reaction when he woke up later. He wasn’t at home or other place where he could hide his pain and wounds. He was in a hospital where doctors had examined him thoroughly and could guess easily about what had happened to him. He couldn’t run away again. He couldn’t hide it anymore. In his mind Shin could see clearly the scenario where he would break down and he didn’t even know what to do. He could see himself just standing there, seeing the youngest of them buried himself in his gloomy world and he couldn’t do anything.

“So, we need you to sign the surgery document in case we found more so we can do the surgery right away.”

Shin jolted slightly when the doctor handed him the surgery consent. He reached and read it silently.

“His heart rate is too low right now so we have to wait until his condition at least stable before we can do the surgery.”

“Fine. Just do anything to save him, please.” Shin signed the document and gave it back to the doctor. “And for your information, he has a very weak immune system. He’s under the surveillance of Doctor Kawashima Jun.”

The doctor nodded and smiled. “We will inform him right away and will try our best, sir,” and he went back to the room where Yamato was charged.

Shin finally decided to sit down. He sat silently in his place. He bowed his head deeply and pulled his own hair. His tears poured down uncontrollably. They fell to the floor beneath. His body shook because he tried hard to suppress his sobs. He felt helpless. He felt powerless. His important person was now lying helplessly in the room in front of him and he didn’t have the power to help him. The person he promised to protect no matter what. The person he wanted to bring his smile back.

Shin was mad at himself. He was too unguarded. He felt too comfortable with the calmness they felt. No new bruises and no new wounds. He thought he was alright. He thought everything was alright. He thought everything had come back normally. He thought he only needed more time to smile again. He thought they only needed a little more effort to bring his joyful laugh back to him. But he was wrong. They were totally wrong.

Uchiyama sat down beside him and caressed his back, tried to support him so he wouldn’t give up. Noda and Minami followed him. Without words, they tried to tell Shin that they would be there for him. That he wasn’t alone. That they would always tried to give him strength whenever he needed.

“Thank you ...“ He whispered weakly. He felt grateful for them. Without them being there he would have fallen. Without them he would have killed somebody already.

The three were just nodded and patted him softly, telling him silently that they wouldn’t leave him alone.  


~~~~

The sound of hasty footsteps moved closer made them turned to the direction where the sound came from. A young man moved closer and stood by the window, stared inside the room while trying to reduce his panting. He then turned over to Shin, darted his eyes on him just to be ignored. Silently, he sat down beside him. No words came from his mouth but everybody could read their silent conversation. How, why, where, when, all of the questions word looked written all over the younger’s face while the older just bit his lips as the answer. But they could see clearly that it was enough for the younger to understand what he really wanted to say.

Suddenly the younger stood up and walked away.

“Don’t dare to step out of this place even once, Ryu.” Shin hissed loud enough for everybody to hear.

Ryu stopped and looked at him. He clasped his jaw tightly. “I need to find the one who did it.”

“We can do it later. Just stay here until he opens his eyes. Do you want him to be alone when he opens his eyes later?”

Ryu greeted his teeth tightly. He felt like he wanted to explode. But seeing Shin who didn’t even look at him when he spoke, it meant he tried hard to suppress himself from exploding. He sighed hardly, tried hard to suppress his feeling inside and went back to sit beside his cousin. He didn’t talk again. His hand fisted beside his body. His teeth gritted hard until he felt hurt at his jaws.

_I saw the sign this morning. He saw someone but I ignored it. I should ask him more so this wouldn’t happen._   



	20. Slithering

Another hasty footstep came closer along the silence corridor. A middle aged man came with a worried face and entered Yamato’s room right away.  
  
“Who’s in charge of this room?” His voice echoed between the eerie atmosphere around him.  
  
“Dr. Natsume, sir. Do you want me to call him?” The nurse looked at him, annoyed with his burst of question.  
  
“No need, Tomo-San. And this is the result of his diagnosis, Kawashima-Sensei.” A young doctor came into the room and gave Jun the report.  
  
The nurse stunned and her eyes widened when she realized who the one had asked her the question was.  
  
Natsume looked at the charismatic doctor silently, adoring his calmness when he read the diagnosis. He himself felt the nausea when he made it but this person was so calm. He wasn’t affected with it. He read it carefully before went to the patient.  
  
Jun stared at Yamato silently.  
  
_Why this happened to you? Why didn’t you fight? Like you always did?_  
  
“I want him to be treated with the best. Do anything to keep him alive and please inform me every detail of his condition, every change, every minute. I don’t want to hear any surprises so make sure you inform me everything right away.”  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
Jun went out of the room but then he looked at Yamato from the window. He rubbed his nape hard. He stood there for a while before fishing his pocket to reach his phone.  
  
“Yoshiko, I know it’s late but I … “ A hand stopped him and made him turned around just to see Shin shook his head weakly. He understood right away what this young man wanted to say so he nodded slightly. “I want you to know that there will be a meteor rain tonight. At two. You should stay awake and see it and pray for us to be safe and healthy.”  
  
_“Jun, do you know what time is it now?”_  
  
Jun raised his hand and looked at his watch. “Ups, it’s one and a half. Hey! You should get going to the rooftop and see the meteor rain. Wake your husband too and please, please, please, pray for all of us here.”  
  
Silence in the other side before rustle sounds heard. _“Fine. I’ll go to the rooftop now, and Ken is awake too.”_  
  
“Thank you. Please pray for our safety and healthy. I know that God is always listening to your request.”  
  
_“Ok, ok.”_  
  
Jun closed his phone and turned over to see that it wasn’t just Shin. He found Ryu sat beside him and there were three other young men sat beside them.  
  
“I called grandpa and he is on his way here.” Ryu said weakly.  
  
“Ok. We knew that he will make the best decision so I better wait for him too before making any decision on Yamato.” With that Jun walked back to the room and sat beside Yamato. He knew it was useless to shoo them to go home because they would refuse so he let them stay where they were.  


~~~~

The canteen of the hospital was too silent this morning. There were only them and two staffs of the canteen. Nobody else.

“I’m not really sure but I guess you should hear this.”

The old man stared back at him, demanded him to speak fast.

“Once again, this is just a probability, okay. I’m not an observer like you so if you think I’m wrong, you’d better ignore this or tell me that I’m at the false accusation.”

“As usual you always take the way round to get to your destination.” The old man shook his head. “Why don’t you try to say something straight to the point just once in your life? Too much talking will kill you one day, Jun. Or should I call you Kawashima-Sensei?” Annoyed, the old man mocked at him with no merci.

“Jun’s okay. I don’t like people who knew me from diaper call me that way.” Jun was immune with all of the mocking came from this person. His ears were even too comfortable to hear the snickered tone in his voice. “Many times ago I saw Yamato stiffened when he faced Tatsuo.”

“It hasn’t been a secret anymore that their relationship wasn’t good. They were never in good term since Yamato in middle school.”

“It’s more of afraid than annoyed.”

The old man looked at him right away but said nothing. He saw seriousness in his eyes.

“He was trembling, and he looked like wanted to run away from him. I think you should check on this.”

“And when was that happen?”

“Around …, before Yoshiko’s marriage.”

The old man looked at him. He didn’t say any word. He just stared at Jun, made him stared back at him awkwardly.

“I told you to ignore this if you think I’m wrong, but I guess you agree with me that he is abused. He was raped according to the result of his diagnosis. You should check his whole body and you will find the clue. I was shocked when I saw him last night. Only one look, I knew right away that this isn’t the first time. Only animal can do that kind of thing. This is too much, Uncle Eisuke. There are traces of wound all over his body. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the wounds came from his fights but my mind kept telling me that those wounds weren’t coming from any fight he did. I don’t know how he could stand of all of the tortures. You should do something.”

“Did he say something?”

“For God sakes, Uncle Eisuke, this is Yamato we’re talking about. He won’t spill anything about it.”

“But you knew that he always has reason behind his silent. He is hiding something, and I’m really curious about that thing, Jun. Do you hear anything from the kids?”

Jun shook his head weakly. “They didn’t say anything to me.”

“From my observation, correct me if you think I’m wrong, this is Yamato we’re talking about.”

Jun snorted at the old man’s words. How could this ex-great lawyer told him to correct him? He was nothing compared to him. But when he looked the seriousness in his eyes, he just nodded many times.

“Ogata Yamato was known as one of the strongest persons in Akadou High School, which means, made him one of the persons you don’t want to get involved. He fought a lot, almost every day. Everybody recognized him as one of the person they don’t want to meddle with. He was delinquent to his heart. Do you think that kind of person can be abused that easy? Even raped? Do you think that kind of person can be abused and raped without any reason?”

Jun looked at him in silence. This old man is really incredible. He could make a conclusion with just based of his short explanation. “Do you think he’s hiding something?”

“I do not think. I believe that he is hiding something.”

“Do you have any clue who did it?” He moved his chair closer to the old man.

“Nope.”

Jun’s shoulder slumped. His hope lost so sudden with that answer.

“Just, imagine that you are the one who abuse Yamato. You want him to be suffered but you knew that he was so strong. You knew you won’t win against him in physical contact, I mean fighting here. What do you think you will do in that kind of situation?”

Jun’s eyes bewildered slightly. “I will find his weaknesses. Any single weakness will help me to knock him down.”

“That is cheating but it is the best way to win over a person like Yamato. And, can you tell me what his weakness is?”

“His fragile body. If I fight him with my power now I will definitely lose from him, but if I can hang on a little longer maybe I will knock him down for sure. He will lose his stamina and I will win with that.”

“The question is, do you think Yamato won’t realize that strategy?”

Jun stunned in his place. This old man was right. Yamato was weak since he was born. He did realize that he hadn’t had a strong body and he wasn’t a stupid to force himself into a long fight. He would finish it right away, in just one attack if it necessary.

“He is not that stupid, Jun. He has the brain and you do know that. The label ‘strong’ wouldn’t come without reason.”

Jun kept silence. The image of Akadou made him think right away that Yamato was really one of those students. He forgot that he was a smart.

“Can’t you think anything else aside of his fragile body? Thing that make him couldn’t fight back?”

Jun looked at him again. He straightened his body. “His mother. She was the biggest weakness of him.”

The old man smiled slightly.

“But only few persons knew this. Only us and …” He stopped and his eyes widened right away. “Do you think Tatsuo did it?”

The old man stood up and started to walk away. “I have an appointment with the head of the police in an hour. You’d better keep Yamato safe and make sure to confirm me about his visitors.”

“Will you make the report? Do you have the proof?” His curiosity rose until he stood up right away and walked behind him.

“Nope. I’m just going to meet my son in law. No case involved.” The old man answered him flatly. There’s no tone in his voice and he didn’t even look to Jun.

Jun just nodded and looked at the old man in silence when he started to walk away.

_There’s no way you’re just going to meet him without reason. And that Odagiri too won’t stay silent if he knew about this case. And I hope no one of the women heard this incident._

Silently Jun rolled his eyes.

_They will cause the ruckus and nobody can stop them._

_Scary creatures!_  



	21. The Sign

He wanted to just sleep but the voice murmured in his ears bothered him. It wasn’t clear enough. He didn’t even know whether it was a voice of a human being or not. It was vaguely forming words, but he didn’t understand what it meant. It was too abstract, but he liked it. He enjoyed it. He even waited for it to come again between his sleeps. It was like the silk touching his skin, too smooth to be ignored. It was too comforting in one way but he was still feeling too comfortable with his sleep.  
  
His eyes glued and he didn’t mind. More like he just wanted to let it be. He didn’t want to open his eyes, which means he had to face the reality he didn’t want to face. The reality was too cruel to him. He felt like it was always against him all the time. It took his gentle father away from him, and now it gave him back but with his new form. He was no more a gentle person so far he knew when he was a child. He was a monster now. A monster, who tried to take his happiness away from him, trapped him to the dungeon of the darkness of life, and killed him slowly. Not his life but his soul. He almost couldn’t feel anything right now, neither happiness nor sadness. He just ate everything served in front of him, and never thinking again. Too much hurt if he did that and he was too tired to deal with all of it.  
  
He wanted to sleep forever and never opened his eyes ever again, but the voice, those soothing voices he heard every time was like something tickling in his ears. The voices that tried to give him courage to open his eyes, assured him that everything would be just fine, and he shouldn’t be afraid because everybody would be there for him, to protect him from any harm.  
  
He was debating with himself since he heard those voices for the first time few times ago. Would they real? Or were they just his imagination? The imagination created from his subconscious mind. The imagination created from his unconsciously willing to hear them.  
  
He didn’t care.  
  
He had heard those voices, and he had to find where those voices were coming from.  
  
Then, finally he decided to open his eyes one day. It was not only because of his curiosity to find the source of those voices he heard on his sleep, but also because he felt the bright light radiated to his body, his face, until he could feel its warmness.  
  
_How can I resist this calming feeling? Is it Mr. Sun who giving me this warmness? Oh, he is so good because he still remembers me. I forgot him almost all the rest of my life, but still, he illuminates me. This bright. I have to get up then and thank him to always stay there for me. I have to wake up._  
  
Trying hard, slowly, he opened his eyes. It felt heavy but he tried over and over, but the grip upon his fingers gave him strength and courage to not give up easily.  
  
“Yamato!” Yuichi almost shouted when finally he saw Yamato was closing his eyes again. He gripped his fingers tightly, signaling him to stay awake.  
  
“Yuichi, you’re too loud.” Ryu hissed at him.  
  
The low shout was like a sting to his ears. The grip on his fingers felt too tight until he felt it would crash his bones. He felt annoyed, yet enjoyed it. He felt the warmness transferred to his body through the grip.  
  
_Is it where that calming feeling came? Who’s this? Why do I feel familiar with this kind of warmness? Isn’t it Mr. Sun who gave me this warmth?_  
  
Yuichi’s body tensed looking at his brother was still trying to wake up. He wasn’t opened his eyes fully but he looked trying hard to wake up.  
  
_Come on. Open your eyes. Don’t close it again. Stay awake until we know that you’re okay._  
  
He suddenly gasped when something flashed on his mind.  
  
“I’ll call the doctor.”  
  
With that Yuichi walked out of the room, or more likely ran away through the corridor to get Natsume. It’s been a week and he couldn’t wait anymore longer for his brother to wake up. He needed him to open his eyes and told him that he was fine. He didn’t care if people would call him a brother complex or something. He lost him once and he didn’t want to lose him again now. Not when they started to reconcile after ignoring each other for ages.  
  
Aside of that, he needed to know who did those cruel things to him. He couldn’t run away again right now. They had proves that he was abused. They had proves that somebody tried to harm him. He couldn’t hide it again. He would tell them now because everybody knew his wounds weren’t coming from any fight.  
  
He just grabbed Natsume’s hand when he found him talking in the corridor with one of his nurse and dragged him to Yamato’s room.  
  
“He’s opening his eyes.” It was all he could say along the way back to the room.  
  
Once they got to the room, He saw Yamato was awakened fully. Ryu sat on the side of his bed, tried to make simple conversation with him to make him stay awake. Shin stood near him, watched every move Yamato made, every sound he produced, every word he tried to compose. He saw his forehead furrowed many times hearing Yamato’s answer but he stayed silent. His grandfather was standing silently behind them. He just stared at Yamato, who tried hard to stay awake with Ryu forcing him by asking him questions, and gripped his fingers tightly.  
  
Natsume stunned with the brightness of the room. “Would you mind to close the curtain, please? He’s just opening his eyes so this is too bright for him.”  
  
“He liked the sun a lot, Sensei.” The old man said to him. He smiled at the young doctor. “And I believe that it was the one that forced him to open his eyes.”  
  
Natsume stared at the old man in silent then moved to Yamato who wasn’t even bothered with the brightness of the room. He checked on him, tried hard to not make much eye contact with him. He just asked him short questions, checking him that he was conscious enough and nothing wrong with his brain, and he relieved when he gave him the answer he expected. He gave him another injection so he could rest more.  
  
“Let him sleep more. Let’s hope he will recover fast.”  
  
“Thank you.” Yuichi bowed deeply to the doctor.  
  
Natsume smiled and went out the room. He walked the corridor in silent and thinking hard. He didn’t really pay any attention when he came that night. His condition was really awful. The older boys who brought him here told him that his name was Yamato. That’s all, and he didn’t realize that he was the same Yamato he knew. He almost gaped when finally, by the morning, when he was clean from the blood stains and his eyes weren’t swollen badly anymore, he realized that he knew that face. He knew the boy. He was one of Yamaguchi’s students back then.  
  
There were really so many questions in his mind he wanted to voice out that day, but he knew that those questions would make this boy felt uncomfortable with him. So he decided to keep silent and held his urge to give him questions about his wounds.  
  
_He will refuse me if I insist to ask him. It will be very hard for me to help him curing himself if he felt uncomfortable with me._  
  
He stopped walking and closed his eyes.  
  
_No questions about his wounds and no telling Yamaguchi-Sensei about this. Right._  
  
He had to keep all of those questions inside his mind and found the answer later, but not to ask this boy straightly. He wouldn’t give him any answer. He was the silent one so far he remembered, and it’s impossible for him to get those answers from him easily if he asked all of his questions. But, this boy was a fighter, and he confused why this abusing thing happened to him.  
  
_Well, at least he woke up. This is better than seeing him unconscious all the time._  
  
He suddenly stopped again. He felt _de javu_ with this kind of accident. His eyes widened at the realization of the kind incident few times ago, where one of those boys wounded badly on his head.  
  
Natsume turned around and walked back to Yamato’s room. He searched from the glass window but found no familiar face. They were all new for him. He sighed and walked away.  
  
_No wonder. They’ve graduated and took different paths. Of course they wouldn’t be here. And I believe that no one of them knew about this too._  


  
~~~~  


The wind blew his bangs as he lay down on the river side. The sky was so clear and so blue. The sun shone brightly this quiet afternoon. The sound of vehicles passing by on the street far away interspersed by the horns here and there, it was calming somehow. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the quietness contently.

A soft tap on his shoulder made him turned his head just to receive a poke on his cheek. He looked up to see a wide smile he longed.

“What are you doing here?”

He looked away from the person and looked back to the sky in front of him. He didn’t have the will to answer the question. He didn’t have the will to talk. His mind was full of thought about Yamato and he couldn’t erase the picture where Yamato answered Ryu’s questions plainly. Almost flatly. There’s no sign of him annoyed like he usually responded their questions, or even fear. He answered him like there’s nothing happened. No trembling hand he tried to hide, no shaking voice when he spoke, not a single clue of him being threatened too. It’s too weird.

“Hey, I’m asking you. What are you doing here? When were you back from Africa? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Shin sighed heavily. He closed his eyes before stood up and started to walk away.

“Eh? Wait! Sawada! You didn’t answer me!”

He smiled widely at the complaint but didn’t even try to turn back. He just walked away, leaving that person alone on the riverside.

Eyes narrowed, the person looked at his back with pout slightly tugged on the lips. “He didn’t change at all. What a rude person.”  


  
~~~~  


Everybody moved aside when Kawashima came into the room. He observed Yamato and smiled when he saw him looked at him in silent.

“How do you feel?” Kawashima stared at him intently. His hand grabbed Yamato’s wrist to check his pulse.

“I’m fine. Can I go home?”

_Seriously. This kid really didn’t know how to be spoiled by other. He just woke up after a week sleeping in his unconsciousness and now he had asked to go home._

“We will do cross-examination tomorrow and you won’t go home before we do that, do you understand?”

“Come on, I’m fine. I’m recovered. Just let me go home. I hate this place. It’s too stink. You can’t keep me in this place longer than now.” Yamato pouted.

He was just wailing. Shin and Ryu looked at each other. Kawashima was also stunned in his place. For a second he couldn’t think about anything. Yamato was just wailing. It was the strangest thing he had never expected. He looked at the old man who just stared at Yamato without blinking. His eyes were sharp darted to his youngest grandson, like tried to observe him thoroughly.

He sighed heavily and smiled to Yamato. “Okay, I will let you go home but not today. We have to be assured that you are in a stable condition, and no more faint, no more headache, no more pain in any part of your body. I don’t like surprises and I believe that you knew that. So you will stay here tonight, and we will decide about you going home after we have assured that you are fine enough to walk by yourself.”

“Fine.” Yamato looked away from Kawashima.

Everybody looked at him in disbelief. He was always looked away from the person in front of him when he felt lost and his willing was unfulfilled, but it was long time ago, when he was a child. Nobody talked after that. Kawashima went out of the room and reached for his phone.

“Get me the best psychiatrist in this country. As fast as you can.” He hissed over the phone before hung it up and stared to the room. He sighed heavily. He thought it was over, but it wasn’t.  



	22. The Move

The living room was too silent that morning. The eerie atmosphere surrounded the room. There were many people stayed in the room but nobody talk. They had been buried with their own thought. Only a light footstep in a constant rhythm echoed and broke the silent.  
  
“Yuichi, would you sit down, please? You give us more headaches.” Kawashima hissed, loudly enough for everybody in the living room to hear it.  
  
No answer. Yuichi obediently sat down on the couch beside Ryu, but few times later he stood up again and started to pace back and forth around the room.  
  
When Kawashima just wanted to remind him again, the psychiatrist went down to them.  
  
“How’s he?” Yuichi asked him right away even before he took his seat.  
  
“He is fine. There’s nothing wrong with his memory. He remembered everything happened lately as you told me.”  
  
“But Mitsuhide-San..., his attitude ..., I mean, behavior ..., it’s just like when he was a child. It isn’t him.” Kawashima looked at him intently, demanded for further explanation.  
  
Mitsuhide smiled. “He is just afraid to face his true self now so he brought his past behavior back to him. He hopes that it would reduce his pain. And if it works why should we worry about that, right? The most important thing for him now is that he could heal himself. It is better than anything else you could do to him. He has to stand on his own feet, has to decide whether he should stay still to mourn on his unlucky fate or he should move on because his future is still waiting for him to reach, it is all him whom to decide. In this case, we are, all of us, are outsiders.”  
  
“Are you sure he’s fine? That it’s just his effort to make himself forgot the pain?”  
  
“Not forgot it. Just to reduce it. It’s still there and he is aware of that. It won’t just disappear like that. It will stay there and he does realize it,” Mitsuhide smiled again. “but you don’t have to worry. He’s totally fine. You just have to be patient with him. He is trying to cure himself. Then one thing you should do is giving him support so he could step his every day, his every moment, and always be there for him so he felt assured that he has at least someone to lean on whenever he fall. With that, trust me, he will heal soon.”  
  
Kawashima stared at the psychiatrist in doubtful look. His mind still couldn’t accept his answer.  
  
“I’m still …”  
  
Kawashima turned to Shin who suddenly spoke. He was listening silently for every explanation this psychiatrist told them but he looked like couldn’t handle his urge to ask anymore. He saw the others looked the same. Everybody stared at the psychiatrist with questions suppressed in their mind.  
  
Mitsuhide smiled at Shin. “Of course there will be a little change here and there. You know, every wound left scar. So is he. There must be something different from his old self. There must be a change in him. And according to our talk yesterday, and few hours ago, I believe that his change is directed to the right way. It means, he is in a good mental condition which allows him to heal completely. He just needs time to adjust himself into that change. And as I told you before that all you have to do is supporting him. That’s it.”  
  
The old man sighed heavily, made everybody in the room turned to look at him.  
  
“So, Sensei, what if I take him with me, to the country side. The air is still fresh in my place and I know he loves it. There’s nobody can touch him there. He will feel safe in my place.”  
  
“I can’t answer your question, sir. You have to ask him by yourself. Trust me. He is in a condition where he can decide the best thing for himself right now. Ask him, and make him feel like you treat him as the one who deserves to decide everything for his own sakes. Like you always did before the accident happened. It will make him feeling more like a human being.”  
  
Everybody in the room stared each other in silent. They still couldn’t believe for what the psychiatrist said to them.  
  
Mitsuhide smiled and he stood up. “You really have to try. He can’t heal completely if you always treat him like a very fragile doll that you should take care all the time. He has to be strong to face his future. He still has that bright future and I believe that he can reach it. And it’s your job to make him feeling that he can do that.”  
  
Kawashima sighed heavily. He felt like another storm will come to attack them again, and he wasn't ready for another strike. It was enough for him and was tired of it. “Are you sure?”  
  
“Yes.” He grabbed his bag. “I take my leave now, and I will come again about a week to see his progress.”  
  
Everybody looked at each other when Kawashima followed Mitsuhide to the door.  
  
“Isn’t it better that he stays here until he heals completely?” Ryu asked after debated with himself. “I mean. This is his home. This is the place where he feels comfortable. His friends are here. His life is here.”  
  
“I know what you mean. It’s just a suggestion, and I know that he will reject my offer too.” The old man didn't even look at him when he answered the question. His mind was full of plans and strategies. He wanted to finish this. No more pain in his family again. They deserved all the happiness they could reach. Every one of them.  
  
They fell into silent again. Shin and Ryu exchanged stare, asking each other in silence about what they should do. They’re tired of this uncomfortable feeling they felt since they found out about Yamato’s condition. It should be ended right away. It meant that they should do something to end it.  


~~~~  


Yamato looked around the living room in silence. It’s empty. There’s no one but him. It’s too quiet. There is no joy or blissful laughter which was usually filling this room. This place became so cold lately. The warmth which had always surrounded this room had now disappeared. There was no sign of life in this house. All looked dead.

Unknowingly tears flew out of his eyes. He cried silently. This loneliness was stifling him. If he could turn back the time, he would do anything to fix things for the better. He would put everything as it should be. Or, it would be better if he wasn’t be born at all. It would be better if he was never there from the beginning.

He stood up and went to his room. He opened the door to the bathroom and went to the sink. He stared at the mirror in front of him and found nothing but his own shadow, which moved as he was.

He turned the water faucet and the sound of the flowing water stifling his chest. It sounded like a sad song that sliced his heart. He looked at the mirror in front of him. This time with the hope that he would see his shadow has always mocked him. He wanted to praise him that he was always right. That he should have been listening to him since the beginning. That he should not hated him for being there. That he should thank him for reminding him about his existence that troubled everyone around him.

But until he felt tired of standing in front of the mirror, his shadow didn’t show any signs that he would appear. There was only his own reflection which looked back at him in silence. He sighed. Even the shadow that had always taunted him was already no longer wanted to see him. He was no longer wanted to sneer at him. He must have been tired with him. Everyone would have been exhausted by his existence.

_Ok. It’s enough. Indeed better for me to disappear._

He reluctantly reached for the medicine box and took out a bottle of sleeping pills.

_I should have done this long ago. I should have done this before, so nobody would be burdened with my existence. Everyone would be happy and fine without me._

He was just trying to open the bottle when a hand grabbed him on his wrist, made him turn around too quickly which result a sudden vertiginous attacked him. He closed his eyes firmly, tried to cast the dizziness away from him.

“Ups, sorry.”  
He opened his eyes and saw Reita was looking at him in worried face.

“But you still owe me a promise. It’s too late to fulfill it now but you can pay it with other things.”

“What are you doing here?” Yamato tried to release his grab but failed.

Reita reached for the bottle from his hand and dragged him back to his bed. “I’m just passing by, and then suddenly I have a feeling to see you. I guess my instinct is still working because I found you tried to …”

“You’re wrong if you think I will kill myself with those pills.” Yamato cut him before he could finish his words.

Reita gaped at him. He saw him annoyed when he grabbed his bottle back.

“I better cut my wrist if I want to do it. It’s faster.”

“Then what were you doing there? Standing alone in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring at your own shadow like you want to say goodbye to your own self?”

Yamato took a glance at him before swallowing one of those pills with a glass of water. “It’s nothing. I just finished my private business in the toilet and washed my hands in that sink. Fortunately, there’s the mirror in that sink and I just took the bottle when you grabbed my hands. I need more sleeps you know. And I need those pills to get better sleep.”

Reita pouted slightly. He thought he was deciding to end his life with drinking all of those pills. Actually, deep inside his heart he could understand if Yamato wanted to do it. He heard all of the conversation between the elders yesterday, about the abusing, the rape, even his mental condition which was still being observed by a psychiatrist. Not that he intentionally eavesdropped them, it’s just accidentally he was in his park, picking his ball when he heard them talking behind the brick fence that separated his park with the Ogata’s. He heard all of them. His heart stopped beating that time, and he was stunned for a long time in his place after hearing the truth. He then remembered when he met him late at night few months ago, when Yamato looked devastated, suffered, and almost cried. Now he knew the reason, and somehow he felt hurt inside him.

“I’m sorry. I should be there all this time.”

Yamato chuckled. “What’s that for? You think if you‘re there you will … “ Yamato stopped his words. He turned around and saw Reita with wide-eyed. “You knew it? How?”

Reita looked away. “Sorry. No one told me. I just heard it. Accidentally.”  
Yamato was trembling all of sudden. He held his body tightly and hobbled to his bed. He shrugged Reita off when he tried to hold him. “Don’t touch me,” He hissed weakly, “and get out of here. Stay away from me. Your life will go miserable if you stay close to me. You will only get sorrow and your happiness will fade away.”

“No. I’m staying.” Reita stubbornly held Yamato and helped him sit on his bed. “I won’t go away even if you threat to kill me. I will stay.”

Yamato gulped many times and couldn’t hold his tears anymore. He wanted to cry since many days ago but couldn’t. Now, those tears were threatening to fall down and he couldn’t handle it. So he let it be. They fell down uncontrollably when Reita hugged him tightly.

“There’s nothing left in me.” Yamato wailed weakly between his sobs. “I’m nothing now.”

“No, you’re not. You’re still you. There’s nothing changed.” Reita caressed his back, hoped that it would sooth him, at least. ”You still have your future. It is still bright. And you still have me, your family, and your friends. It’s still the same. We don’t go anywhere. We won’t go anywhere. We will stay here no matter what happened.”

“Saying thing is easy, isn’t it?” He snorted cynically.

“It’s not just a word, Yamato. It’s a promise. I won’t go anywhere. I’m sorry for all this time but now I won’t leave you. I will stay. No matter what happened I will stay.”

No respond from the figure he hugged made him curious. He released his hug and Yamato fell down on the bed. He was shocked for a moment but smiled at his own stupidity when he found him sleeping peacefully.

_Stupid! He drank sleeping pill in front of me. I shouldn’t be surprised. Of course he will sleep after drinking that stupid pill._

He sighed before stood up and moved Yamato’s body to the right position and covered him with the blanket. He smiled at the peaceful face of his childhood friend and decided to stay until he woke up. He then looked around and took one of the books on the shelf and made himself comfortable on the couch near the window and started to read.  


~~~~  


Hesitantly he reached out the phone on the table when it rang many times.

“It’s okay. Pick it up. We will be here for you.” Shin assured him.

He then picked the phone up. “Yes?”

_“I’m waiting for you in the usual place.”_

“Dad?”

_“Yes, it’s me. Hurry up. I can’t wait any longer.”_

“Where?”

_“The usual place, Yamato, don’t be stupid. Or did I hit you too hard on your head until you lost your memory? Fine then. I will make you remember. It’s the pub near the main intersection. Diamond. Be sure to be there in five minutes.”_

And it cut off. His hand was trembling when he put the phone back to the table. He gulped many times and looked at his family. He reached the couch and sat down. He closed his eyes to sooth himself from the trembling.

“It’s okay. We will go there with you.” Ryu tapped his shoulder gently.

The old man stared at him in silence. He gritted his teeth to suppress his anger.

_So it’s really him.That stupid bastard! Don't think that I will let you go after what you've done to my grandson._   



	23. Good Bye

He looked around the place in silence. The place was full of people. Some of them were squeezing on the dance floor and the rest were just chattering around in groups scattered near the wall. He pulled his hat until half of his face was hidden and hid his trembling hands deeply inside his pocket. He breathed heavily before walked through the crowd to reach the stairs. Hesitantly he took step by step upward and scanned the second floor silently when a hand grabbed his arm and dragged him to one of the room.  
  
He almost choked with surprise when he was pushed hard until fell to the floor. Even before his brain tried to digest what was happening, a blow landed on his stomach, made him curled his body while holding the kicked part and pressing it with the hope it would reduce the pain, when another blow attacked his back. He felt his body ripped apart but tried not to make any sound by biting his lips until blood streamed from the bitten part. Tears flew down his cheeks suddenly even he tried to prevent it. It was too hurt. Not just his body but also his soul.  
  
“That’s it? Wow! I guess I succeed for making you cry with only two blows. Ups, two kicks I mean.”  
  
 _Oh God. Please, give me strength_.  
  
When he thought it was over the man pulled him by his hair, forced him to stand up just to be thrown to the bed in the middle of the room. He rolled over and tried to get up when he was strangled, and couldn’t move easily when a hand gripped his neck. He felt his life would over soon, but he didn’t want it.  
  
“… please … let … me go …”  
  
“Wow! What happened to you? You surrender that easy today.” The man reached his bangs and removed it from his face. His grip suddenly released and he moved away from him.  
  
“Is this how you treat him lately?”  
  
“Yuichi!”  
  
“Yes. It’s me. Is this how you treat Yamato all this times? You punched him, you kicked him? Are you the one who raped him too? What are you? Don’t you have a heart? He is your own son.” Tears flew uncontrollably on his cheeks when he asked those questions.  
  
Tatsuo lost his words. He gaped at the sight in front of him. His first son was wounded. His lips were bleeding, and he kicked him just now. He gulped hard.  
  
“You were his hero back then. He always praised you in front of his friends, that you were the best father in the world. What made you change?”  
  
“He changed me. He turned to who I am now. He always disappointed me. He never listened to me even once. He’s a pain in my ass.”  
  
“He just wanted a life on his own way. He found it, but you destroyed it.”  
  
“Being a trash in society isn’t a life, Yuichi. You deserve to get a better life but not him. You shouldn’t dye your hair like him. You looked exactly like a delinquent right now.”  
  
“Everyone deserves better life whoever he is!”  
  
The yell from his son startled him, made him close his mouth right away.  
  
“He deserves the life he wanted. He deserves to decide. Whoever he is, he deserves to choose the way of life he wanted. He is a human being just like us, but you treated him like he was nothing.”  
  
“He is nothing but a pain. I’m tired of him. It is better for him to just die.”  
  
“Then why don’t you just kill him!”  
  
“It’s not fun if he dies right away. He should feel how hard life is. He should know that he has taken the wrong path. I just tried to remind him that and he knew it.”  
  
“By kicking him? And punching him? And even rape him? Is that how a dad should do to remind his son that he took the wrong path?”  
  
Tatsuo held his breath. He was busted. He knew it and he couldn’t hide it longer. It’s useless to hide it.  
  
“I wasn’t the one who raped him.”  
  
“But I’m sure you’re there.”  
  
Tatsuo gritted his teeth. He couldn’t answer the question. He was there, yes, and he watched them raped his son with his own eyes. He saw him begged to him in silence to save him, but his pride forced him to stay in his place and watched his son being raped by his friends. There was a sting in his heart when he saw his tears that night, in this place too, but he could only looked back at him without moving. He sat silently on the couch and staring at him, who stared back at him without words. His stare was full of pleading at first but then he realized that it was blank.  
  
“I take your silence as a yes, so would you tell us who raped him?”  
  
Tatsuo turned to the door and his eyes bewildered seeing the man who just entered the room.  
  
“ … Odagiri … “  
  
“Your every word was recorded and you can’t run away now.”  
  
Tatsuo gaped at the scene in front of him. He lost his words completely when he saw two men walked to him, one of them cuffed him and dragged him to go out of the room.  
  
“Why don’t you save him? You should protect him, shouldn’t you? You’re his father. The one he could lean on when he needed.”  
  
He could hear Yuichi yelled at him but didn’t give any respond. He stopped suddenly and stunned when he saw an old man welcomed him with a slap on his face in the hallway.  
  
“Father …”  
  
“Don’t call me father.” The old man hissed to him. “I didn’t agree when Yoshiko decided to marry you because I don’t like you when we met for the first time, and I guess I was totally wrong that I ignored my instinct and chose to accept you because Yoshiko looked very deep in love with you.”  
  
“Father, I …”  
  
“I don’t need reasons. I won’t give you my apology even if you beg me with all of your sincerity, which is, I don’t think you have it anymore.”  
  
The old man passed him to go to the room, left him with the police who dragged him away.  
  
“He really did it. I can’t believe this.“ Yuichi wailed weakly.  
  
Ryu soothed him by caressing his back gently. He looked at Shin who just stood by the door, leaning on the frame, and gritted his teeth. It took him all his might when he tried to hold the older from bursting in to the room and beating Tatsuo into pulp when they heard the confession from the hallway, and thanks to his grandfather which only needed one grab on his wrist to stop him from destroying their plan.  
  
Ryu could only nodded at his father, sending him silence gratitude for his help, which only nodded back to him silently before walked out the room.  


~~~~

They saw many pair of shoes in the rack when they came back to the house. They looked at each other, tried to get any answer for their silent questions.  
  
“Few times ago Yamato said that his friends wanted to do a sleepover here, so I approved it. It’s a weekend anyway.”  
  
They looked at Yuichi who casually put off his shoes and went upstairs to Yamato’s room.  
  
Yuichi stopped in front of the door and rubbed his stomach. He still felt the pain from the kick earlier but then he sighed heavily.  
  
 _It’s over. It’s time to move on._  
  
He turned over the door knob and popped his head to the room. He counted that there were five new faces in the room plus Reita who just sat silently on the couch in the corner of the room.  
  
“Is it now? The sleepover?”  
  
Everybody in the room turned to him and smiled sheepishly while Yamato just nodded at him.  
  
“Okay, I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”  
  
He then closed the door again and went back downstairs. He went to the kitchen and welcomed by the stare of the others’ eyes. He sighed and opened the fridge.  
  
“It’s them. There’re five of them. And there’s Reita too.”  
  
“How was it?” The said person suddenly popped out in the room.  
  
“It went well. He confessed and we have to move on.” Ryu answered him right away before walked away from the kitchen. He stopped in front of Reita. “You’d better not to mention every single of the plan in front of him. It’s over now and no need to discuss this matter ever again. The case closed.”  
  
Reita nodded furiously at him. He knew Yamato should move on. He had to face his future, And needed all the help from them. He found him back and wanted to be there for him always since now. He would do everything he could so he wouldn’t lose his best friend ever again.  
  
“Guys~ I think some of us should go to the market. We ran out of the groceries.”  
  
And with that Shin stood up from the chair. “I’ll go.”  
  
Shin grabbed Ryu’s arm and dragged him out of the house.  
  
Yuichi smiled at the scene. “Shin is fond of Ryu and both of them are too fond of Yamato. And I guess I’m infected by them now.” He took a bottle of water and drank it while closing the refrigerator with his foot.  
  
Reita chuckled at the comment. “You’re not infected at all. You’re just too shy to admit that you have that ‘brother complex’ within you.”  
  
He almost chocked with the comment. He wiped the water from his mouth and looked at Reita who smirked at him. “What did you just say?”  
  
Reita smiled mischievously at him before walked away from the kitchen, leaving Yuichi behind with his redden face he tried to hide.  
  
“Being a big brother who had a brother complex within you is not a shameful thing, right, Yuichi?”  
  
“Not you too.” Yuichi groaned at the old man who just grinned at him from the couch in the living room.  


~~~~

He opened his eyes slowly then sat up. He looked around and saw his friends sprawled all over the room. He smiled and stood up. He opened the door of the balcony and walked out. He leaned on the rail and looked up to the sky. It’s dark but he knew that there’s always a light behind it. Mr. Sun was keeping his eyes to the other side of the world. Soon, when Mr. Sun was looking at his side again its brightness would lighten the world around him. And as usual, it would always be dazzling him.  
  
“Can’t sleep?”  
  
Yamato turned around and saw Ren walked over to his side. He leaned on the rail and looked up to the sky too.  
  
“I wish I could see stars here, But we know that it’s impossible.” Almost mumbled Ren voiced out his mind.  
  
“My grandmother’s living in a mountain. Do you want to come with me this weekend?” Ichimura suddenly popped out from the door.  
  
“Eh?” Ren turned to him. “Are you sure? What do you think, Yamato?”  
  
Yamato looked at him, confused about how to answer him.“Why should you ask me?”  
  
“We want you to come with us, too.”  
  
“I … don’t know …” He looked away, tried to avoid their stare.  
  
“Come on~ we didn’t spend much time lately. Too busy with our own business sometimes boring, you know.”  
  
“I told you I don’t know whether I can come with you or not.”  
  
Ichimura and Ren looked each other. Yamato looked different now than the last time they met him. He was too silent now, and he tended to hide himself in his own world. He was like trying to close himself from the outer world, from them. But aside of that, he looked more fragile than before.  
  
“I’m sorry, but I don’t accept rejection. I’ll wait for you at the train station next week, and if you don’t show up, I’ll pick you up here and drag you along the way to my grandmother’s house. End of discussion.” Ichimura turned over and walked back to the room, leaving Ren who was still looking at Yamato silently.  
  
He observed from behind. He looked devastated.  
  
“Yamato …”  
  
Yamato turned to him and saw the seriousness darted to him through his eyes. “What?”  
  
“I don’t know what happened, but we’re here. We’re not going anywhere.”  
  
Yamato gaped slightly at the words. Those made his heart melted. He then nodded weakly. “Thank you.”  
  
Ren looked at him. “You’re not alone. Be sure to always remember that.” He then turned over and went back to the room.  
  
Yamato stared at the room and saw his friends went back to their sleep. He looked up to the sky and smiled slightly.  
  
 _Thank you, for giving me a chance to see them once again._  


~~~~

Yamato started to go out of his room by the morrow. He joined his family on the dining table to have their dinner. He was still silent like he was but they could still see a light in his eyes, just a little, but that’s enough for them to know that they still had him. The elders took glances to each other, silently exchange question whether they feel the same or not.  
  
“Yamato, do you have any plan, next week? Mom said she wanted to meet us.” Yuichi finally asked him when all of eyes darted to him, forced him silently to say something.  
  
Yamato looked at him but awkwardly back to his food. “Ichi invited me to go to his grandmother’s house next week.” He answered him weakly, almost mumbled to himself.  
  
“Eh? Where does she live?”  
  
Yamato looked at his brother again. He didn’t answer him for a moment. “I don’t know. It’s somewhere on a mountain side.”  
  
“Uwaaah! Don’t say that you planned to see the stars. They said it’s so clear if we see it from the mountain side.”  
  
Yamato looked at his brother again, slightly annoyed with the outburst of questions darted to him at a time. He sighed. “But I won’t come.” He smiled at them.  
  
Shin looked at the youngest without blinking. He was just smiled at them. He didn’t know why but it made him shivered.  
  
“Listen, guys.” He looked at his family confidently. “Thank you for always being there for me.”  
  
Everyone looked at each other before turned to him in silence. Nobody dared to talk or responded his talk. They looked at the old man who just sighed with the silence request from his grandchildren.  
  
“You don’t have to mention that. Without you thanking us, we will always be here. For you to lean on and to catch you if you fall.”  
  
Yamato smiled again. He stood up and bowed deeply. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused all this times.”  
  
Yuichi stood up and grabbed his arm. “You don’t have to bow that way. It’s really okay, you know.”  
  
Yamato smiled again, this time even widely. “Good night, everyone.” He then left them to go back to his room upstairs.  
  
The elders left in the room looked at each other, wondering about Yamato’s behavior. It’s too strange and they couldn’t guess what’s on his mind. But no one moved from their place. They sat still and just looked at each other silently.  
  
Meanwhile, in his room, Yamato once again stood up by rail on the balcony, watching the dark sky and smiled.  
  
 _Thank you._  
  
With that he stepped forward and jumped off the balcony.  
  
END 


End file.
